Toni Braxton Believed God Gave Her Son Autism Because Of Her Past Abortion

More Celebs at The 2009 American Music Awards in LA

Got guilt?

If you’re a mom, that usually goes without saying. But one high-profile mom has got it bad — and we mean real bad.

Got Guilt? 4 Ways to Conquer Mommy Guilt

Grammy Award-winning singer Toni Braxton writes about this very topic in her new book, Unbreak My Heart. In the new tell-all, Toni talks about battling Lupus, bankruptcy and thoughts of suicide. She goes on to open up about her abortion regret and son Diezel’s autism.

When Toni was on the acne medication Accutane (which can cause birth defects), she became pregnant for the first time.

“I was suddenly faced with a choice I’d never thought I’d have to make,” she writes. “Amid my major misgivings about abortion, I eventually made the gut-wrenching decision.”

Due to her very religious upbringing, Toni went on to talk about the guilt and regret that came with her decision to terminate the pregnancy.

“In my heart, I believed I had taken a life — an action that I thought God might one day punish me for,” she shares. “My initial rage was quickly followed by another strong emotion: guilt.”

The singer, who later welcomed son Denim in 2001 and son Diezel (who has been diagnosed with autism) in 2003, added, “I knew I’d taken a life… I believed God’s payback was to give my son autism.”

The Braxton Family Values star, 46, has since changed her mind about the painful memory.

“Coming from a very religious background, I was ashamed that I had an abortion in 2001,” she shared. “When my youngest son was diagnosed with autism I feared that I was being punished for my earlier actions. I have since realized that my son is special and learns in a different way.”

I, for one, applaud Toni for speaking out on all three of these highly-debated topics: autism, religion and abortion.

As for her thoughts about autism, I’m glad to hear that her initial negative feelings  have been replaced with positive ones. She’s right! Her son is special and he learns in different ways.

And it sounds like she’s struggled to make peace with her religious upbringing.

I’m not here to keep the mommy wars raging on and bash those who raise their kids with religion. But Toni makes a good point: religion and guilt seem to go hand-in-hand.

MORE: Stop The Mommy Wars

For me, it’s important to raise my kids with an open-minded sense of wonderment and joy when it comes to discussing God and the universe. My kids will not know of a judgemental God who seeks revenge for those who do bad. No guilt and negativity is needed when talking about the world’s creator!

MORE: Do Children Need Religion?

As far as I’m concerned, Toni did what she thought was right at that time of her life — and that’s the end of the story.

The God that I know wound not ‘give’ another child autism as payback. Instead, the Goddess that I know has empowered Toni to come to peace with her decision and share her experiences in hopes of reaching other people struggling with this same guilt and remorse.

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