Stop the Mommy Wars: Empowering Photo Series

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Now here’s a campaign I happily endorse!

Touching on several hot parenting topics, Connecticut Working Moms has posted a series of empowering photos, encouraging women to stop judging one another, and pleading for an end to the mommy wars.

What are the ‘mommy wars,’ you ask?

From post-baby bodies, to feeding methods and choice of diaper, to the length of maternity leave, many moms pit themselves against each another in a negative dance of comparison and judgement.

“Why do you co-sleep with your child?” Or, “Home schooling will negatively affect your kids’ social skills.” Or, “Raising kids without religion will damage your kids’ souls.”

These any many other judgemental statements/thoughts are being challenged in this compassionate new campaign, asking our fellow sister to embrace various parenting styles and stop the mommy wars once and for all.

Check out the special photo shoot, touching on some of the hottest mommy topics out there.

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What do you think about this new campaign to end the mommy wars?

Which topic(s) are most important to you?

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Filed under: Carousel,Parenting Styles,Personal Development

Photo credit: Connecticut Working Moms

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  1. Faith

    This is great! I’m not a mommy yet at all. However, I get tired and overwhelmed at times on the posts I see from various friends on facebook about how homeschooling is better or vice versa; what type of diapers is good and other issues in raising children. It often sends my mind into battles on how I thought I wanted to raise my “future” children. This shows me that there is not only one way or another, but I am “allowed” to choose for my own children, what I believe to be best for them individually – no debates needed. Again, thank you!!

    • Shawna

      Being “allowed” to choose doesn’t make your choices good or wise. In order to make good choices, it is necessary to have an open mind and be ready to change your opinions and plans when new information merits such a change. To ignore good advice and proven benefits in favor of how you thought you wanted to do something is not wise.

      • Amy

        Shawna, I think you are missing the point… this is about not judging another mothers parenting style just because it is different from your own. I’m sure each of these moms have weighed pros and cons and came up with a solution that was best for their child. :)

      • Dana

        Shawna, obviously you missed the point of this post entirely. Get off your soap box and let other people alone. Not one of those mommy vs mommy differences was a harmful option, simply different life choices.

      • sarah

        Thinking your opinion is right, doesn’t make it right either though. If something works for you, great. If somebody wants your opinion, they will ask it of you. If not, just go with the flow. Only if the child is in real danger should you ever step in on somebody else’s parenting.

      • jennyk

        People like you are part of the problem Shawna. Nothing listed above is “abusive” or “neglectful”…every Mom has reasons for the choices she makes, and it is not anyone else’s place to tell anyone they aren’t making the “right” choice.

      • Stephanie

        I so agree. Im not a mother of my own children but im still very stubborn in my ways, however ignoring good advice is bad. I always listen to advice given but still make my own choice whether to act on that advice. There is things my mother did with me (cry it out method, spanking) that i don’t agree with but that doesn’t mean she is a bad mother, we just have difference of opinion. Whether its from strangers or women in your family its always good to listen but still make your own choices. Listen, understand and respect other peoples choices. this doesn’t just apply to being a mom but also in life in general.

      • Maggie

        YOU are exactly the reason mommy wars exist. Out of any of the choices above, how many can you HONESTLY say are based on one method being “better” than another based on scientific fact? Breast v Bottle? Nope. Not all moms can breastfeed. Cry-it-out v Not? Nope. It depends on the child and how willing they are to adhere to the routine the first time. Organic v Fast-food? I’m pretty sure the “fast food” mom also exercises moderation and isn’t destroying her children. Show me ONE example of how your comments are in ANY way helpful to this discussion. The vast majority of moms out there, and I’m going to give the readers of this article the benefit of the doubt here and include them, do their research and choose what is best for their child. Take your self-righteous trolling elsewhere. You are not welcome in the judgement free zone that has been established.

      • Sally

        Shawna, I think you’re missing the point. There are so many studies that come up with so many different theories. Also, women have all kinds of complications that sometimes limit a woman’s options. The point is, we have to trust that everyone makes a decision based on what will be best for their child. This is not a campaign about “doing what you want” its saying “don’t judge” and trust every woman has made the best decision possible in her situation. And stop bossing other people around!

      • Bathany

        You obviously don’t get the point, so just ignore this website and move on for the benefit of everyone here. Life is not always about the one best decision – it it were, it would be easy. The rest of us have conflicting areas in our lives and have to make decisions that are best for our families. It would benefit the rest of humanity if we could respect each other’s decisions.

  2. Nicole Fompun

    I love this! Parents should be able to parent the way they feel best fits their parenting style. The only time something should be questioned is when the child is being abused or neglected. It’s time for unity. It’s time to respect the choices of others and be open and willing to learn new things . Not necessarily to change behaviors but for wisdom sake. DOWN WITH JUDGMENT !

    • Shawna

      Many of the choices presented in the above photos are not about “parenting style”. If you refuse to do something that has been proven beneficial, or continue doing something that has been proven detrimental, then you are indeed neglecting your child. Intentionally failing to provide the best is neglect, no matter how well such neglect fits your “style”.

      • Cristin

        Sounds like you might need to cry-it-out!” :)

      • sara

        I think it’s safe to assume that nothing has been ‘proven’ one way or another. You will surely find studies and testimony for or against almost any issue.

      • Vonnie

        Yeah, that’s really helpful. Funny little thing about “the best”: it seems to keep changing and no one can effectively define what it is. I defy you to define what “the best” is now or ever. For example, is it “the best” for a mother to abandon her career goals to be a full-time parent or is it “the best” for a mother to show her children the importance of gender equality both in the home and the workplace by placing a high priority on a career? After you give me the answer to that one, you can tell me what “the best” is for everything else.

      • Ellamir

        Shawna, I completely agree! For instance, if you know that formula is unhealthy for your baby, not only physically but emotionally as well, choosing to do it anyway seems very selfish to me. I try not to be judgmental of the choices that other mom’s make, but it’s difficult when you see a mom making decisions that are not in her baby’s best interest simply because it’s easier for her. Motherhood has a lot to do with making sacrifices and putting yourself second in order to do what’s best for your child, so if that means fighting through breast discomfort in order to give your baby the connection and nourishment achieved through breastfeeding…then that’s just what you do. No excuses! :)

        • sal

          No excuses, Ellamir? What about women who have had mastectomies? Breast milk isn’t an option.

        • Amber

          Except that formula isn’t “unhealthy,” it simply may not be as good as breast milk. There is scientifically and objectively nothing wrong with babies that were fed formula. For women with various physical and mental issues, or for women who return to work, formula feeding can be a better option than breast feeding. As for the baby’s emotional well-being, I don’t see evidence that formula is what’s causing harm. For example, women who pump are just as able to leave their babies alone with a bottle instead of holding them. Also, bottle feedings allows the father to be more involved in caring for the baby.

          You say you try not to be judgmental right after making a very biased statement. The problem is, your view, that formula feeding is “unhealthy” for children physically and emotionally is actually just your opinion, not a fact. And that’s the whole point of this post.

          Also, I would disagree with you vehemently that motherhood is about putting yourself second. I think that most mothers do not suffer from putting their child second, but rather from exclusively putting their child first. After recently crawling out of three years of depression brought on by the birth of my child, I wish I had been able to take care of myself better. *That* is one place where the research is abundantly clear: mothers and babies are better off when the mothers are not depressed or overly-stressed.

        • Tiffany

          I’m sorry, but BFing my twins was incredibly hard. I tried. Sure, some things could’ve made a difference, but when they were cluster feeding every 1½-2 hours instead of the usual 3 during a growth spurt, I wanted to tear my hair out from the lack of sleep. It wasn’t healthy. If mom isn’t happy, healthy and well-rested….then the babies aren’t happy either. That is my main priority for choosing to formula feed. My kids are big, chubby, smiley bundles of love. To each their own.

          • Yia

            I completely agree with you Tiffany. Breastfeeding my twin girls was so difficult. I did my best, even tried to pump and bottle feed them my milk and it was just not enough. So now they are formula fed and are happy and mommy is happy.

        • Monica

          It’s not your place to tell another woman how to raise her baby!!!

          I don’t even HAVE kids and I know this!

          What is WRONG with you!?

        • Melissa Marowelli

          Be very careful about judging those “formula” feeding moms…just because it’s in a bottle does not mean it’s always formula…
          There is a third option as well…exclusively pumping. Don’t knock it until you try it…with 5 kids I’ve run the gamut on every option out there…from exclusively formula fed babies, to exclusively pumped for babies to exclusively breastfed babies…to combinations of all three. Moms need to do what works for them and keeps their babies happy and healthy.

        • Karen

          A medication I take has been shown not to cross the placental barrier, but is secreted through breast milk. If I do not take my medication I will die. I don’t think a dead mother is an excellent parenting choice, particularly, so I formula fed my second child from birth. As for buying breast milk, pardon me if I find the idea of purchasing untested bodily fluids from a stranger and feeding them to my child slightly suspect. It’s really not a choice I’d be comfortable with.

          I guarantee that if you met my children you would never, ever be able to tell which one was breastfed. The answer would actually surprise most people.

        • Kailey

          First off just because you were able to breastfeed doesn’t mean another woman has that same opportunity not everyones bodies are the same. Two of my close friends both tried nursing right off the hop and the 1st one tried for just about 2 weeks nothing happened her breasts never got engorged nothing came out and her baby was crying all the time so when she tried formula the baby was actually stopped crying all the time because she wasn’t hungry anymore and because of people like you who judged her made her feel like and incompetent mother when she did what was best for her child. And the other friend wasn’t producing enough milk for her child to gain any weight. You have no idea the reasoning behind others decisions. Formula is the same as breast milk the only difference is the antibodies in the colostrum that get passed to the baby other then that they are getting every thing they need. What if the mother isn’t getting the proper nutrition she requires to provide enough nutrient enriched milk for her child. That was me I was on maternity leave for a year being a single mother when your paycheck is cut in half everything went to bills I barely had enough to buy food for myself to make sure I was eating healthy for nursing my child so after 5 months I started buying formula so I as made sure my child was getting everything she needed while I never ate. I am far from being a bad parent you do what you have to do. Oh and for my child being formula fed she is extremely smart, caring, inquisitive, healthy active 6 year old

        • Bravo, Ellamir! You make a very valid point. And thank you so very much for bringing back horrendous guilt of over three years ago when I tried pumping under a blanket while my husband circled the IKEA parking lot, crying my eyes out because I only produced half an ounce when my son was six weeks old and required so much more. Thank you for your misguided sentiment and making me feel like rubbish. I had planned from the beginning to breast feed and was almost nipple-nazi-ish. Then, life happened. An unplanned C-section. Not being able to feed my newborn for nearly three hours after birth. Him being unable to latch on so they brought out the nipple shields. Then, using the nipple shields at home and not realizing until I saw blood on my son’s lips that my nipples had cracked. And freaking out and pulling out the formula the hospital had given me (just-in-case) and sobbing at the thought of feeding him evil-formula. Then, after six weeks and stopping producing after pumping exclusively at that point having Similac have a recall. The LAST thing a mother who has to deal with who is pretty much postpartum from struggling to breast feed or feeling guilty because she can’t is to read something so misguided as what you wrote.

        • JamieLynn

          So when I didn’t develop any breast milk after delivering my daughter, what choice did I have other than to give her store bought formula?? Should I have starved her?? Not fed her at all?? According to you, mothers don’t breast feed because they are lazy… so was it my laziness that caused this?? Did it suck my breast milk dry so that I was unable to nurture and “connect” with my child “properly”?? You dear, are ridiculous and I personally feel very very sorry for anything you raise and bring up. Your way or no way eh lady?? Your poor poor kids!!

  3. Suzanne Wolling

    I love it! All Mom’s must do what they think is the best for their children!

  4. Becky

    My sister in law is ALWAYS posting on Facebook how WRONG circumcision is. It is SO annoying! I chose to circumcise my sons & she chose not to – does she have to keep posting about it on her wall?! I’m almost to the point where I’m going to stop following her because every month (at least) is some picture / article / or comment how circumcision is mutilating.

  5. Anne

    Nice pictures & great cause.
    It would have been nice to include something about adoption. For example “I chose to adopt!”. Families come together in more ways than one!! Oftentimes, mothers who adopt are left out of a lot of mommy things, and believe me, we are certainly mommies.

    • Lynne

      I would think it would be NICE to be left out of the mommy wars. ;>

    • Kat

      I understand feeling “left out” of things, but this should not be one of those times. You leaving such a comment leads me to believe that you don’t understand this campaign at all. This isn’t about HOW you became a parent, but about judging each other for the choices made AS parents. If you are a Mom, it doesn’t matter how you came to be a mother, you are already included in this!

      • Abby

        Then why the part about natural in home birth/scheduled c section?
        I think Anne makes a great point!

        • jhoysi

          Possibly because the moms who chose to do this shoot DID have one among them who had a home birth and one who scheduled her C Section?

          I read this as an honest look at THIS group of women’s differences, not an attempt to showcase every difference between moms everywhere.

      • Jacqueline

        Obviously you don’t understand… I am often judged because I don’t breastfeed… it happened once at CHURCH… I was completely left out of a conversation, etc… and it wasn’t a choice I was able to make… The bigger picture is that some people judge us to be LESS of a Mommy because we didn’t go through the pregnancy process… but adoption is an EQUAL process… believe me… if you have never done it, you have no idea just how difficult it is!

        • Anion

          I am so sorry to hear that. I’m sure you’re a wonderful mom.

        • Charles

          Sorry but filling out paperwork and waiting is not the same as carrying a child for 40 weeks.

          You may want to be included because you think its the same but it isn’t and never will be. Doesn’t mean you do not love your child but come on, be an adult and just accept its not the same process

          • JenM

            Please don’t talk about something you have no real basis for (unless you carried a child AND adopted, you really can’t know). You can talk to my mother if you’d like. I assure you – just because she didn’t carry me (but did carry my brothers) that doesn’t make her less of a mother and all that it entails. You just sound ignorant and are insulting to every adoptive parent out there.

          • JenM

            PS – I think you missed the ENTIRE PURPOSE of this article. Maybe read it again – that might help you understand that we, as mommies, want to STOP the wars, not create new (and unnecessary) ones!!

          • Jacci

            Not every one can have a baby the way they want to. I was blessed to be able to have 3 babies no problem. Not all married couples can as much as they would like to. Adoption isn’t about worrying about stretch marks or 40 weeks out of their lives – they want a baby and can’t.

          • Erika

            You’re right, it’s not the same. It’s harder and it takes longer. I have carried three children and adopted one. It was so much easier when I was carrying the child inside me. I could feel their presence and their movements. I could control their environment. I always had some sense of their presence and their well being. My fourth child was adopted from China at age 8. I had no idea what kind of environment she lived in. Was there anyone there to tuck her in at night? Did anyone comfort her when she was hurt or frightened? Did she have enough to eat? Was she too cold? At one point she was critically ill and hospitalized and there was nothing I could do about it. At another point there was an earthquake 20 mile from her home. Her home in a city that was flattened by an earthquake a few years ago and again I had no way of finding out if she was alright or not. Yep, absolutely not the same. I’ll take pregnancy any day.

        • Chris

          Jacqueline, I feel for you. A mom is a mom independent of pregnancy, labor, surgery, breastfeeding etc. I have not adopted, but a father of two, and would not enjoy being left out of conversations etc just because of things that don’t define parenting. There are ways we all bond with our children, and thank God they are not exactly the same! Sometimes people die or are killed and people take over parenting too. We need to include all moms as equal parents, and learn from each other, not judge. Listen to experiences and techniques, then add them to your toolbox as something to pull out or try if needed.Paperwork is not the same as carrying a baby, but carrying a baby is not the same as HAVING to fill out paperwork, nor being told something fell through and you now don’t have a baby. Might even make a person love and bond with their baby in ways I can’t even imagine. Being a parent or mom is such a gift, and I want my children to grow up appreciating parents, not thinking that being a parent entitles a person to judge or consider themselves any better than any other parent. Enjoy and embrace diversity, understand there is more than one right way to do things, and rejoice in the fact that our precious children are unique individuals that demand and respond to different things in different ways.

          God love ya
          you mommies rock!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Kris

        Kat, I agree! I have 3 adopted children and my poster would say, “I never feel left out,” while another sign might say, “I feel left out.”

      • Ally

        I don’t believe Anne is trying to add to the war, rather she is pointing out a fight that already exists. What I gathered from her comment was those who choose adoption over giving birth have been judged for their choice.

        As a mother who chose adoption I can testify to being pressed by friends, relatives and even strangers for why ‘in the world’ would I choose to adopt. There is judgment (i.e. a war) and this behavior often caused me to rethink when, where, and what I would share. I didn’t really think of my situation being an addition to this article until I saw the post from Anne. So in this case, please stop the war!

        That seems to be what the article is about. To show an example of opposites where judging tends to happen and then show women who are okay with their differences and accept one another?

        Thank you for the article! I have seen many of these wars being fought and not successfully. Let’s all share this article and hope that the message is spread. Stop The War!!

        • Kati!

          I rather think that adoptive moms will face several of these “wars” as well! Diapering if they have infants or young toddlers…choice of schooling…choice of working mom/ SAHM.

          I know what you mean…we now have 1 bio. child & hope to adopt several. But before we had our child, we would get asked if we were unable to have bio. children. Why is that someone’s business?? What if I weren’t? What if I was able to have children and still chose only adoption? Why would that be anyone’s business unless I chose to bring it up?

          Best wishes, with mommy wars and everything else!

    • Jacqueline

      Amen!!! As an adoptive mommy, we often don’t have a choice at all in things like breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding… and we are often excluded just because we can’t talk about the pregnancy things, etc… But I promise, I am just as much a mommy as any of the women in the above pictures… and probably more so than some!!! :)

    • We actually have some awesome moms over at CTWorkingmoms.com that have adopted and they’ve got some really great posts on this subject – hope you’ll check us out :)

      • Diane

        Isn’t it interesting how us mothers somehow define ourselves by the type of mother that we are? I felt the need to respond to this post only after I saw the ignorant comments about adoption. I am 50 yrs old and at this age I wanted to share that I am a step mother, gave birth to and raised my two sons… and then at the age of 42 and still able to give birth, we elected to adopt my wonderful daughter. I am now also a grandmother. Being a mother is a wonderful blessing, and all children are different. Many women can be a mother, many men can be a father. But it takes daily love to be the mommy and daddy that your child needs.

    • Andrea

      Maybe they left it out because none of them adopted. It seems like they are probably using their own honest personal experiences in this campaign. They obviously didn’t list every aspect of the “mommy wars”. I think that’s why they included the message at the end…”Making different choices & raisin healthy children”. I think that sums it up and shows that they aren’t trying to leave anyone out.

    • Liz

      But you ARE a mom. Did you feel that none of these things applied to you? Diapering decisions? Feeding decisions (fast food/organic)? Religion decisions?

      Why chose to single yourself out? Just because how you are different wasn’t mentioned, doesn’t mean that you’re not included in the things we have in common.

    • amanda

      They can’t include everything. They’d still be taking pictures and we’d never get to see them.

    • Desarae Smith

      I agree! and step parenting. Some people choose to not have children of their own but help raise their spouses children. I also would’ve loved to see something about Vaccinations. I chose to vaccinate my children, I chose not to…

  6. I absolutely LOVE this! Thank you all for putting this together and taking a stand! You have inspired many!!

  7. Anuradha dev

    I am guilty! I have been very particular about how I want to bring up my kids since my first was born. Sometimes it is very difficult to able to adhere to my beliefs, since reality is much diffrent than I thought. And then I see other doing it differently and sometimes I think ” hmmm looks like she doesn’t care about her baby enough ” or ” she isnt a good mom!” , on some level I do realise it is not right. that why I loved the article. I need to change my thinking and stop judging others.

  8. Martha

    This is a great idea, as a new mom I get so overwhelmed sometimes with all my friends and family telling what’s good or wrong and I just think we all have our own way to raise our family, at the end of the day what we all want is to se your kids happy

  9. Tina

    Everything there sounds normal to me, except breastfeeding until 2yrs, thats just weird.

  10. Gan

    Circumcision IS wrong. Cosmetic surgery on a non-consenting baby is wrong. Period. It’s not a “mommy war” topic, it’s a human rights topic.

  11. Tamisan

    No two kids are the same so of course parenting decisions are going to be different. Even in the same family. I know a mom who nursed one baby but the other didn’t latch so she had to use formula. I know another mom who home schooled until her two oldest were ready for middle school and then all five of her kids went to public school and she supplemented what they learned at school with further education at home. Choices are the toughest part of being a parent but you do whats best for the kid and your family as a whole. Remember no choice is set in stone. Parenting is adaptable, it has to be!

  12. Jesd

    I agree Anne… As a custodial stepmom, I’m left out of the mix too. My children didn’t exit my womb, but 6 days a week: I do cuddles, baths, homework, bedtime, play dates, sick-days, laundry, dinner, etc. I kiss boo-boos and talk about feelings, choices, and growing up. I nurture, guide, and discipline… The kids call me Jessa-mom. :) “I chose to be a full-time stepmom!”

    • Lara

      Good grief, I’ve never looked at a parent who adopted or a step parent as less of a parent. In fact, I tend to look on them as MORE of one in many respects. I have much respect for step parents & for those who adopt a child & give them a great home that they may otherwise not have. Kudos!

    • Jen

      haha, I hear you on that one. After raising my step children for 7 years while their birth mom brought drug dealers home regularly I was having an outdoor party for my son (stepson) one summer and ran into the parent of one of the boys coming at Walmart. The boys were 12 at that time and sleeping 6′ from the house and she asked if I would be sleeping with them. I said no I would be inside she replied with “well I’ll allow my son to attend if you promise to go check on them every hour, you’ll understand when you become a real parent”. I just walked away and laughed at her ignorance. I am regularly shunned by teachers and friends of their birth mother because I am a step parent despite the fact that I am the one loving them, feeding them, clothing them and teaching them.

    • Grace

      It’s nice to hear about other step-moms who are “full-time” Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in my situation. I feel like I often get over-looked in parenting discussions because no one believes that I could actually have something valuable to contribute. Thanks for posting!

  13. I enjoyed this :) I think it’s so true we all parent differently but that never means “better”. Parenting is a tough job so we should really support and inspire each other- Great job ladies I LOVE it :)

  14. Sharon

    I’m with you, Anne. I am very much Mom to my youngest stepdaughter. I have no biological children. Also, women who choose to not have any children need to both respect and be respected by those who do.

  15. This is fantastic! I am a stay-at-home mom who suffered from postpartum depression with both of my children so those two photos really hit home. As women we should be building each other up rather than beating each other down to make ourselves feel better. We all choose the path that is best for our own family and situation…thank you for bringing to light a topic that I think ALL Mommies struggle with!

  16. sandy

    The photoessay would have been a lot more compelling if the women photographed hadn’t appeared to be universally white, affluent, and thirty-something.

    • Van

      Stop being so negative! There is no way to pinpoint the exact ethnicity of these women, their monetary wealth, or their age simply by looking at these pictures! There are several women in these pictures, so obviously they had to do the photoshoot in a large home. This is a great campaign that all women and mothers should embrace. Your negative mentality is exactly the type that this website is trying to end.

    • leslie

      Truth, but at least they tried. Looks like they did it within their own social circle and we have start somewhere if we are going to fix the problem right?

    • Jane

      So should they have sought out a token black mama to make a better point?

    • CGH

      Perhaps there was a point to it? It eliminates the inevitable comments of “of course the black mom would say that” or “all Indian women do that” or “it figures the Asian mom feels that way”…. Any group could have done it, but this is the group that did it.

    • JenM

      I never even noticed color. It’s really sad that you did.

      • Sam

        I understand your point, and people say this all the time, but pretending that race/different cultures don’t exist is an issue in and of itself. Perhaps there should have been moms from different cultures in this shoot, because it would allow people to accept that other cultures exist, and they may raise their baby differently than you do.

      • Erica

        I would gently point out here that we all instinctively look to see others like ourselves in most situations (whatever that “likeness” entails). If, as a white woman, I look at that essay and fail to notice the lack of diversity in it and woman of color looks and it’s the first thing she notices, that does NOT mean that I am more evolved when it comes to issues of diversity or that I’m color blind. It means that I, as an upper middle class white woman, have the luxury of NOT seeing it because I take for granted that I will be represented and am in fact seeing women like me being fully represented.

        Instead of assuming someone has a chip on her shoulder, perhaps we should take a moment to listen and understand that there is still some deep hurt in the hearts of those who have been marginalized. Sympathy and understanding doesn’t cost a thing.

      • MM

        It is NOT sad to “notice” color. The lack of any major representation of an ethnic group other than white (and seemingly of any socioeconomic group other than middle-upper class) only serves to further the damaging trend of white and middle-class being the “normal” when it comes to motherhood. Just because you don’t “notice” color does not mean it does not exist, and does not matter. There are racial differences in mothering – not positive or negative differences, but differences nonetheless – and by not including them, this photo series erases their struggles in the “Mommy Wars.”

        Let me say it another way. Let’s say you are a doctor. You find a series of photos, like this one, of a large group of doctors talking about their struggles and decisions. However, every one of the doctors is a man. As a woman, would you not “notice” gender? Would it not seem at all problematic to you? I don’t think anyone is arguing that this article is overtly racist or that it is directly offensive to minority groups – it is a valid and meaningful representation of mothers, and an important step forward in the de-universalization of motherhood. Yet it could represent a wider variety of mothers, and it is not wrong to wish that it did.

        • I really am unobservant. If I’m watching commercials or something, I tend to notice text, rather than if the doctors are male or female. And, while I’m sure there were smiling faces in the pictures above, my eyes went to the power of the opposing forces of words that achieved a sort of harmony. Is it wrong to say that I could not describe (with any measure of success or correct-ness) how any of the people above look? I had described the actions of a student to one of my coworkers the other day. I didn’t describe his race. I honestly don’t see race. I do appreciate the richness of different cultures, but I also recognize that to focus on racial differences tends to result in some very not-positive things (racial profiling, prejudice, divisiveness). It’s like the adoption debate. Who’s to say that some of those moms are not adoptive parents or stepparents. There’s not a disclaimer on each of the signs (see, I noticed the signs) that says “I’m the birth parent.”

    • Dawnette Bissett

      MOMs are moms no matter what they are. I don’t see color in the word “mom” I see a women that looks out for their child, adopted or born of their blood, like a mother bear would for their cub. Maybe that’s why animals live such short lives.. they care and think with their hearts not the bitterness of the world. this is a great campaign. the principle of this campaign was in the right spot. :)

    • Twyla

      I was more intrigued by the messages than by the women holding the posters.

    • Vonnie

      Since diversity seems to be such a big deal to you, maybe it would make you feel better if you imagined that some of them might be lesbian or transgendered?

  17. Theresa L

    This is awesome!! We, as moms, need to support each other! Motherhood is a tough enough job! I think one more picture should have been added about school choices, “I homeschool”, “My kids go to public school”, “My kids go to private school” I have friends who homeschool and they love to point out how awful the public schools are and how messed up my kids are going to be for going there. :(

  18. Becca

    It’s brilliant, but the use of ‘(reasonably)’ in the crying it out photo still implies judgement is feared, that it needs to be justified in some way.
    Would it work to have, “I’m happy with how my body changed”, rather than “I’m still trying to lose my baby-weight”?
    Other than those things, I love it!

    • Kim

      It is probably because she is not happy with how her body changed so holding a sign saying that would be a lie. I’m not happy about how I look now so I understand how she feels. I think that’s the point of it. So people like me can think yes! I feel your pain!

  19. Michelle Stevens

    What a beautiful montage, and most certainly not just for Connecticut mothers. We women get so angry at men for judging us but we do far more damage to ourselves in how we judge each other as women. The fact is we all make mistakes and the more that we support one another through our good and bad choices the stronger that we become.

  20. Think About It

    I think this campaign smacks of privilege. Many women face circumstances where they don’t have choices. Reality would be a sign that says “I have to work two jobs and I can’t go to the school play”. Often women are judged for circumstances beyond their control. I’m kind of sick of the “have it alls” and all of their “problems”.

    • working because I don't have a choice

      You know to an extent you are right, however wouldn’t it be nice if we all gave these women props for doing something within their own circle to try and stop the negative comments that mom’s throw at each other in every social circle. I’m in the the “have to work so I miss things boat” as well and I still deal with a lot of the battles they talked about in this photo essay. You have no idea how many of my co-worker Mommy’s make nasty comments about the fact I’m having another C-section, oh and I don’t work white collar, btw. Maybe we should each get together with our own circles and create a photo essay of the things we think they missed and give these women props for trying at all. Just a thought.

    • Cindy Tregan

      Agree 100%. I didn’t have a choice. I did have to go to work to keep a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. And my thanks for that from the “Stay-at-home-mommies” (Leeches) was to be excluded from the school play, the “Mother’s Tea”, and unable to be in the “Mother’s Club” (that met inside of work hours)- Looked down upon and reviled for not volunteering to be a “room Mother”. I was made to feel “lesser” and “unworthy” by the leeches for not staying in a physically abusive marriage.

    • Vonnie

      What makes you think these women “have it all” and don’t have “problems”? You don’t know anything about them! You don’t know what’s going on in their relationships. You don’t know what kinds of medical conditions they might be dealing with. So what would make you happy? How about if the shoot had been done in a trailer park with women holding signs saying things like “I grow weed in my bathroom” and “I cook meth in my kitchen”? Or, “I have one baby daddy” and “I have 5 baby daddies (I think)”? Yeah, some people have more problems than other people. That’s life and it stinks, but it doesn’t mean that people whose lives “smack of privilege” shouldn’t try to aim higher and make the world a better place.

  21. Darla Rhoades

    I belive everone has the right to rise their childern the way they want. My way may not be the way you would do it but it has worked for me. As long as our childern are healthy and happy and not abused that is really that is important.

  22. LOVE this ladies, great photos! Thanks so much for sharing, being real and exposing this hate that is all too present in society…the Mommy Wars, ugh!

  23. Jana

    I am SOOOO happy to see all of you striving for this great cause! I 100% agree that we should all stop judging one another.

  24. Lou

    Maybe I’m misunderstanding the context here, but people have differing opinions on lots of things. Am I missing some pervasive phenomenon where mothers have taken to bashing each other? If someone is judging your choices without knowing you & your reasoning, they’re probably not your friend or they shouldn’t be. If you can’t tolerate someone’s curiosity about your choices (“Why do you co-sleep with your child?” is a question, an opportunity for discourse, not a judgement) maybe you should only be around people who are supportive of your choices. It is perfectly okay to say that a given choice wouldn’t work for you. That’s not judgmental of the other person’s choice. In my experience, Moms in all their varieties are sympathetic & understanding of whatever point in the spectrum of options works for you, since they know the trial & error nature of parenting. I’m stunned & saddened to think someone perceives there’s such thing as ‘mommy wars’ and that it is a significant enough social factor as to be addressed with a campaign. I hope whoever they are, they find a healthier social circle. I’m grateful to have never encountered such pettiness or for the ability to have so completely disregarded perpetrators of it.

  25. Jennifer Pharis

    Where are the signs that say, “I vaccinated my child and she’s happy and healthy” and “I didn’t vaccinate my child and now she’s dead”?

    That seems like kind of an important one in “The Mommy Wars” don’t you think?

    • Isha Wilson

      No, because those aren’t both viable choices for parenting. (Just like the one about giving your kids fast food isn’t.) It’s unreasonable to compare things like the rational and individual-based choice between co-sleeping and not co-sleeping to the anti-social and extremely dangerous and anti-social behavior of exempting your kids from socially vital and life-saving medical treatment.

    • Katie

      It seems it is unreasonable to judge moms who give their kids chemically-laden formula from day one and then follow it up with fast food, antibiotics, harmful household products, frozen dinners, and anti-bacterial hand soap,and vaccines, but perfectly ok to judge moms who breastfeed past the age of one, feed organic, non-processed foods, prepare probiotic foods, grass-fed dairy and meat, and choose to skip the vaccines.

      I was about to comment that the “mommy wars” are a myth that keeps women divided, but thanks for proving me wrong.

      • Anion

        It is indeed perfectly okay to judge moms who choose to skip the vaccines (without real medical reasons), because they put the lives of their own children and hundreds of others at risk based on myths.

        Vaccine-preventable diseases that were almost wiped out a few decades ago are making a comeback, and people are dying or being permanently injured/disabled by them, because some people believe the falsehoods spread by people like Jenny McCarthy rather than the enormous mountains of real scientific evidence.

        I don’t judge mothers for not breastfeeding, or feeding organic food, or homeschooling, or breastfeeding past the age of one (I nursed mine for a year and a half), or whatever else, but not vaccinating? You bet I judge, because non-vaccinators endanger lives.

        • Jacci

          Do you have an autistic child? Don’t judge unless you know what you’re talking about.

          • Anion

            As a matter of fact, Jacci, I DO have an autistic child. She showed clear signs well before she received her vaccines, and even if she had not, I can assure you I would much rather have her be autistic and alive than “normal” and dead from a preventable illness.

            Your eugenics-based “better dead than autistic” (because at its heart that is exactly what “don’t vaccinate because it will cause autism” argument is, even though countless real studies have proven there is NO CONNECTION) makes me physically ill, and I am stunned that you can consider yourself a loving parent, or even a decent human being, when you can seriously argue you’d rather watch your child die a painful and unnecessary death than be different.

            Seriously. How DARE you imply it would be better if my daughter was dead, than to be the beautiful and unique person she is?

        • Monica

          I just wanted to agree with this. Regardless of whether it’s a parenting decision, an individual decision, or whatever, some decisions are just choices between 2 or more things that don’t do anyone any real harm, in which case live and let live and get out of people’s business–but others aren’t that way. Like vaccines. Sometimes your personal beliefs don’t matter against the well-being of everyone else.

        • Katie

          I’ve actually never read a word Jenny McCarthy has written or listened to her speak. I’ve gotten my information from medical studies (the actual studies on Pub Med and other sites). Bottom line: you raise your kid, I’ll raise mine. The whole freaking point of this article was to bring mothers together.

          • Thanksgiving. A time for food, family, togetherness, and unfortunately, this year, the flu. Out of nine of us who gathered for Thanksgiving dinner at my sister’s, six came down with the flu. As in “your-son-has-tested-positive-for-the-flu” flu. I had planned on getting him his flu vaccine the Monday of Thanksgiving week, but the weather was bad so I didn’t. My son and my youngest nephew have febrile seizures. You get fevers (very very high ones, by the way) with the flu. (By the way, two of the three who did not get flu were my parents who had had the vaccine) Recently, an eight-year-old at another school in the district DIED of the flu. As in, no longer living. Not to be too caustic, but I think her parents would prefer to have her alive than dead, even if it meant she was autistic from vaccines. I’m trying desperately not to be judgmental, but when I was running a temperature in excess of 104 degrees and literally unable to get out of bed, my son was beside me running one almost as high, my sister was unable to move from the bed for two days, my oldest and youngest nephews were sick (the youngest, the most prone of the family to febrile seizures, having to visit the emergency room), I was furious with myself for not vaccinating my son (and myself) sooner. Being told I’m putting my son at risk by vaccinating him? He could easily have DIED from that flu. I will NEVER not vaccinate him again!

      • Anion

        By the way, I assume you do realize how very smug and judgy your comment is?

    • Mommy of 3

      So would you say that to someone who just buried their child because they vaccinated..? Vaccine injury is a VERY serious problem and your comment is RIDICULOUS.

  26. leona banks

    This is awesome! I love this so much. I actually just got lectured like a week ago saying I should co sleep with child. I said I was uncomfortable with it knowing how hard I sleep. And the response was if you can’t trust yourself to safely sleep with your child then your mother instincts aren’t good enough and you shouldn’t have more children. Well in short anyways it was long and drawn out and awful. I am always preaching moms should stand together not against each other. So happy to see more people believing it too!

  27. We are all guilty!

    What a wonderful idea! I know we are all guilty! And as many have said we should support women as women not judge! We are women and if women would support women and not just moms but women this world would be a much better place! We could rule the world! Instead we judge we try and knock women down! I truly believe all moms want the best for their children and as long as they are being cared for in the best way possible that’s what’s important! Not how they parent! As one said many have no choice if they work outside the home and if more women would put theirselves in that moms shoes for a minute we might not judge so harshly and learn compassion and in turn show support for those women who are doing the best they can! C’mon ladies we can all benefit without the criticism some have shown on this website even!! If you choose to disagree with the intentions of this campaign don’t come back to it! It’s really that simple! But I believe those of us that do support this will be better women for it!!

  28. Breanne

    Perfect!!! I hear people, and see people, all the time saying ‘every mommy is different, let’s respect them and end the wars’ but most of the time the people that are saying that and posting it are the ones that are the worst at being judgmental at being a mommy! It’s hard enough raising kids than to have to deal with other mom’s telling you that what you are doing isn’t right! We need support! Way to go!

  29. I like the point they are making and the spirit of unity they are putting out. I am saddened that every positive article I read is followed by negative comments. They made a great attempt to include many common parenting disagreements, it is impossible to include every single subsection of modern motherhood. Maybe instead of leaving a negative comment you could try to find the positive light or don’t comment at all. It’s easy to be mean from behind the screen. This is the main problem I see with the mommy wars, moms are straight out mean to each other instead of trying to be kind. It’s ok to be different, if we were all the same life would be boring. Thanks for trying to do something positive Connecticut Working Moms.

  30. Melissa Glasel

    Anne, I am an adoptive mother as well. You did a beautiful thing and indeed are a mother. I am sure a very great mother. All of us just need to look into the sweet precious faces of our children and see the love they have for us. That is all the validation we need. Good job moms.

  31. Nancy

    I remember when I learned this lesson personally. I was in the doctors office with my 1 month baby for a check up. We had been struggling with nursing and I was at my wits end! He asked how every thing was going, and I shared how I had been to multiple lactation specialists, and they kept telling me my baby was just having a hard time figuring it out, and how I was about to give up, but I knew that was horrible. He then told me the most important thing I ever learned in parenthood. He said, “Your baby will do best if she has a mom who is feeling, relaxed, and knows she is doing what she reasonably can, and who is happy. Those benefits will outweigh any breastfeeding benefits throughout her life!” I stopped nursing her at 2 months. My next nursed, but due to health issues stopped at 3 months. Baby number 3 nursed for a full 7 months, until she got teeth! We never know what is going on behind the scenes. We can almost always (except for cases of abuse, and sometimes even then it is ignorance, not lack of love) assume the mom is doing all she can to be the best mom ever! No need for us to judge! Plus, every mom has their strengths and their weaknesses, just like every child will benefit from a different parenting style. Love this whole article!!! Thanks!!!

    • What an amazing doctor you had! I wish everyone had one like that!

    • melissa

      My sister said the same thing to me when I was struggling with my week old and sobbing on the phone because I was trying to be the good mom who would breastfeed and give the “best stuff” to my child. She said a relaxed, happy mother who can just worry about giving love is much better for the newborn and to not fret about it. So I got formula, calmed down, the baby was finally able to eat, and then went to a breast feeding support group and did what I could. I’ve been applying my sister’s words to everything since, and everyone remarks how happy and well adjusted and sweet my daughter is wherever we go. And I believe it’s because I am not always trying to do what’s “perfect”, instead I am just giving love raising to the best of my human abilities.

  32. Angelica

    You know what I find interesting? That as I read each “competing” card, I had a negative reaction to certain ones… Almost like a knee jerk reaction of “this person’s choice is better.” Interesting to have that self-reflection time and know that I can work on this too.

  33. Mommy Wars Husband

    This was a great idea. As the husband of a very loving wife and father of 3 beautiful children, there is nothing that frustrates me more than people touting the way they are raising their children as the only way it should be done. My wife and I raise our kids in a way that we seem best for both US and OUR CHILDREN. Like many have posted on here, the endless post on Facebook about what some friends are doing and feel everyone else should be doing are nothing short of obnoxious. Once again great post/article.

  34. Be smart

    Beautiful message. Some commented on there not being messages about ” I love how my body turned out” which would benefit the idea of “love yourself no matter what you look like”. But realistically it’s about being healthy, which include a healthy diet and excerise. The last sign stated ” raising healthy children”, letting them eat fast food isn’t one of them, especially with chains like McDonald’s that uses more chemicals and mock meat then actually food.

    • Not a mommy issue

      Very true. It’s not fair to lump co-sleeping together with fast food. One is a legitimate choice one can make, while the other is not acceptable under any circumstances, especially among the privileged, “idyllic” families that are shown here.

    • Anion

      What scientific evidence do you have to support that assertion?

      The occasional meal from McDonald’s never killed anyone, to my knowledge. Lots of perfectly healthy people manage to stay perfectly healthy despite eating fast food every once in a while. But it’s nice of you to be so judgy and superior in comments to an article about how we shouldn’t judge other moms. Do you feel better about yourself now?

      • Jay

        Well actually, the occasional McD’s has been deadly, in more than a handful of cases. Food born disease has killed more than a few from their poorly handled food.

        • Anion

          And organic foods, poorly handled, have also killed people. Poor food handling at plenty of places has unfortunately killed people; that’s not a specific fault of McDonald’s only. Her comment wasn’t about food handling, it was about the content of the food itself.

          (And BTW, people die every year from things like the unpasteurized milk that the “organic family” movement have been pushing at us, too, so I hope the OP is also against those things.)

      • momtomany

        Anion Its interesting that you would jump to point the judgement finger at someone when just a few comments back you were judging for parenting choices you yourself don’t agree with. Everyone really just needs to mind their own business. Its not up to anyone to point a finger and say “you’re doing that wrong”. If parents are comfortable in their choices and the children are well taken care of, then that is all that matters. Not the heated opinion of a stranger on the internet. I certainly don’t make my parenting choices that way. “oh, that stranger doesn’t like how I’m parenting! I’d better change!” said no one ever.

  35. Celia Vargas

    This is great, I love it!

  36. Deric

    All the women are white, no diversity. …

  37. Charlotte

    Being a stay at home mom was the BEST job I ever had!!!
    The judging needs to stop.

  38. WorkingMama

    Wow, great montage, but some really ignorant comments. Diversity? Talk about prejudice! So how do you know the ethnicity of any of these women? Ahh, they “look white”. Gotcha. Judge by skin color much??

  39. Cassie List

    This is wonderful! We are all different but we all have the same goal. Happy Healthy Children. Why judge?

  40. Jodi

    Bravo! This is awesome. Different choices aren’t a one size fit all for all families and that’s okay. Do what’s best for your family but know that different things work better for other families.

  41. PamV

    We need to remember not to adopt an “Us” and “Them” mentality… in ALL things! Thanks for doing this! Our differences can enrich our lives if we open ourselves to each other.

  42. Kim

    This is a fantastic campaign. Thank you for sharing it – I’ll be passing it along.

  43. Rachel

    There is something much deeper here that i feel needs to be addressed. There is a “right” way and a “wrong” way in everything. People are uniquely different so that, each right and wrong way looks different for each of us. However, we can’t adequately discover what each of our right and wrong ways are all by ourselves! That is what a community of women is for! I say, let’s set aside the judgement, but also the pride. No one mom has all the answers so let’s learn from one another! Let’s be open to different opinions without getting all bent out of shape and offended, if we really are all desiring of the best for our children, and its impossible for us to have all the right answers, let’s learn from one another with open hearts and minds and with respect, otherwise we are just cheating ourselves and our children out of a wealth of knowledge that could’ve saved all of us a lot if heartache.

  44. This is great! I have this conversation so often with some of my girlfriends. One of my best friends works full time as a lawyer and has 2 kids. Another one of my best friends is a stay at home mom with 2 kids. I own a business and work “part time” and have one kiddo. One thing I have been surprised and disappointed about is how judgmental so many moms are, but I feel really lucky that my good friends and I can support and understand each other even though we’re in very different situations.

  45. Becca

    I needed this today! Love everything about it. I’m having my first child this July and all I can do is promise to be the best mom I know how to be and take care of myself and my baby. Even if it means not getting the flu vaccination for my own personal reasons and beliefs. Judge me, but I’m following my heart and maternal instinct.

    • Erika

      Oh, for heaven’s sake. There are a lot of petty reasons that we judge each other, and those need to stop, I feel totally free in judging you for following your mythical, ignorant heart and maternal instinct instead of following science in this case. There is a flu strain going around right now that is absolutely no joke, and I hope to heaven that you will not be following the same utterly misguided instinct when it comes to more serious diseases, if not for your own child’s health, then for the sake of other children and people who can’t be vaccinated! Fast food is one thing. Letting your whole household become a disease vector is another.

      • Jen

        You do realize this is about the flu shot – not MMR or the Polio vaccine, right? Chill already. Flu shots are very subjective. That’s why they’re not standard shots; they’re entirely optional.

      • Had that strain of flu (see above). Now am feeling loads of guilt for putting off having the vaccine for myself and my son (who is prone to febrile seizures and caught it as well). My thought in the back of my mind was “He has a healthier immune system than I do.” Then, on the news a few weeks back, was the story of a local eight-year-old who died DIED from the flu. You think you get judging looks from people because you don’t get the vaccine? Imagine the looks you get when you take your child to the clinic (and it’s not your regular supportive doctor who understands your child’s medical history) and he is diagnosed with the flu. Not just any old virus. The flu. I’m more scared of the TamiFlu personally than the vaccine. And of my son having a febrile seizure.

    • Jen

      I never got the flu shot either – still haven’t ever gotten one. I remember at one point, the stupid news freaked me out so bad that I went in to get one, only to learn they ran out (it was a year that a whole batch was lost for some reason, I believe, and they didn’t have enough for everyone). The alternative to the flue shot was to basically wash your hands and avoid ill people (you know — things people do during the rest of the year and in places where vaccines aren’t available).

  46. Thank you for such an inspiring post. Tears filled my eyes as I read it – we are all different and we are all OKAY – doing the best we can to be the best moms we can be for our children who are all unique and special. And most of all – we need each other – acceptance, support, and love. ♥

  47. Mom of 2

    I think this is a great campaign! I am a former working mom turned SAHM and I couldn’t be happier. But I felt judged both ways. I have an 8 year old son with high functioning autism and a 4 year old daughter who is neuro typical. If you don’t think people judge you or your parenting, you’ve never spent time with a special needs child. The stories I could tell would shock you. But the photo I found most interesting here was the “organic foods/fast food.” personally, I made a choice that my family would not eat fast food any more. That’s been over a year and a half ago. But when other moms find out that we don’t eat it, they look at me like I’m crazy and I always feel like I need to say, “But I’m not judging you for eating it!” We’ve all got to do what we have to do. if that means you hit the drive thru on the way home from work so you have extra time to snuggle your kid, nobody has the right to judge. :)

  48. Michelle Marks

    Bravo!!!! Thanks for taking up this cause! We “moms’ are way too hard on ourselves and each other.

  49. Kristin

    This is awesome! As someone else pointed out above, “no kid is the same.” I have two children and have had to parent them in different ways according to their needs. My daughter was breast fed, my son had a poor suck swallow reflex and after many painful weeks we switched to bottles ASAP. They even require different discipline at times. My point is no mother should shame another. I support all mothers who are doing all they can to keep that smile on their and their children’s faces, no matter how they do it!

  50. Thank God I'm not a mom

    Who cares? There are much bigger issues in life than this. (Cloth diapers vs disposable? Seriously? Do we have nothing better to do with our time?) Quite frankly, the world is overpopulated and we are running out of resources. What kind of world are you ‘mommies’ bringing little Billy & Susie into anyhow? Did you ever stop to think about that? (“Oh I can’t wait to be a mom!” Why? Because you are privileged enough to tend to another human being’s feces and vomit? Sounds like a day at the amusement park to me!) Perhaps people should put a stop to the procreating (seriously-it’s not a miracle. Almost every woman can do it.) and worry a bit more about the future of civilization as a whole.

    Any human that consciously chooses to have a child is an idiot. Plain and simple.

  51. Jessica Kaufman

    This is such a strong message that I hope every mother and family sees.
    As a mother to my first child you always feel pressured to do what everyone tells you, but there is no right or wrong way. Every family is different and makes different choices. Im the end its all about thw children being healthy and happy!!

  52. Juie

    This is so naïve! Of COURSE there are good and bad ways to raise kids and birth them! Junk food kills people, moms who leave their kids for 10 hours a day are not fully parenting their child…other people are! No use in shaming anyone and everyone can believe their way is the right way. But puh-lease, this is a really ridiculous campaign.

    • Liz

      There were some bad comments here, but this one takes the cake. The point is that you don’t know what’s behind closed doors and its none of your business. Parenting is hard work, so if you think you know best why don’t you just go and try to be every kid’s mom. Mom’s need support and to understand that if they’re doing their best and trying to give their kids love and care, no one has the place or RIGHT to judge that. Your comment is a waste so shove off.

    • There are absolutes

      Julie, I don’t know that I agree with you that this is a ridiculous campaign, but I do agree that there are good, bad and better practices of child rearing. I think people missed the point of your fourth sentence that there is “No use in shaming anyone…”

      Some folks may not have the option of the best practice: for instance, a single mom who has to leave her child in daycare in order to work to provide a home, food, etc.

      But there are plenty of folks out there who make less than the best choice their circumstances allow just because (insert any excuse you’ve ever heard someone make for something they know is not the best for their children).

      Not all options are equal. To be the best parent to your child, you must stop making excuses and choose the best option your situation allows. The problem is, only you really know what is the best option and what you’re just making excuses for.

    • WorkingMama

      Wow!!! Juie, you’re the reason they wrote this article. Get a clue!

    • Jackie

      YOU are the problem. Until you volunteer to spend a day in every single parent’s footsteps that you judge you have absolutely no room to talk.

    • Lise

      I agree with Juie. There are right ways to raise children and wrong ways. Breastfeeding is best, being raised at home as oppose to being raised in a daycare, etc. We all make mistakes as parents but lets not just sweep it under the rug. Let’s educate our moms and expect more from them.

      • Sarah

        Lise, how dare you! It is people like you and Julie that make this article necessary. It is not “wrong” to put your kids in daycare if you have to work to put a roof over their heads and food on their plates. How could you know why some moms don’t breastfeed? Maybe they couldn’t produce any milk! Stop being so judgmental and get off your high-horse.

      • Danielle Rynne

        I didn’t produce any milk to breastfeed my kids, according to you I’m a bad mom….. I agree with Sarah, stop judging yourself and get off your high horse

  53. Lisa

    This brought me to tears. I have not been in the middle of mommy wars, but I do realize that it is out there. You ladies are awesome. Thank you for sharing your diversity and your acceptance of each other. Now, if we can just get the whole world to do the same <3

  54. Cynthia Molenda

    Excellent & simple. Wise advise when keeping love & respect in the forefront

  55. Rhonda Langlois

    Another reason to stop the mommy wars and stop judging is because you never know what a mommy may be going through. Maybe she wanted to breastfeed, but couldn’t. Maybe she wants them to eat healthier, but it’s not in the cards. Maybe she wanted more than one child, but couldn’t. I mention these because they have happened to me and I used to be judged all the time by other people (and still am). I also home school my child (that was always planned, however if it hadn’t been it would have been necessary anyway). It’s a horrible feeling to listen to the judgments of others who aren’t in your shoes. Neither choices nor necessities should ever make a person feel like a failure as a parent… we have enough of that anxiety already without it being heaped on by family, friends or strangers.

  56. Angela

    This is wonderful!! It’s about time people started supporting each other!

  57. Jenny

    Juie, you missed the point and I feel sorry for your narrow view on child rearing.

  58. New Mommy

    This is much needed! Can I add, less judgements on parenting in general? We just adopted our children and we have to parent them very different than “normal” kids due to developmental trauma. So many people think they know better because we’re “new” parents. We need to support each other, not criticize!! Also, I’m in the trying to conceive group, and maybe more awareness that infertility is an actual disease and not something you aquire because you’re just not going it right. I love this because ALL our situations are different, and it’s OK for someone to not parent just like you do!

  59. Shannon Elkins

    That is awesome!!! Love to all the moms for all of the individual choices we make for ourselves and our families.

  60. this was so moving and wonderful!! thanks so much. I plan to pass this and share this with all my mommy friends!

  61. joshua

    most of these are not “judgement” issues, they are health-issues. if someone feels judged, perhaps they should evaluate what they are doing; not change for the sake of change, mind you, but reevaluate and determine if they are in the wrong. moral: judgement is a feeling of weak people, parenting is an action by people who are competent and secure. nuff’ said.

  62. No More Mama Drama

    YES! Thank you!! I get so hurt and then angry and defensive when certain family members point out what other moms do that I won’t. My kids will survive. Their lives are not in immediate danger. They laugh more than they cry. There’s a college fund and a psychiatric fund. I can make light of the stupidity stranger’s assessments, but the cruel judgement from family and friends burns for months.

  63. Andrea M

    I totally think this needs to be on every moms mind, since from the time we get pregnant we constantly endure others “should and should not”. Do what is best for your family and leave the judging out of it!

  64. Katelyn

    Can I get a sign that says “I DON’T CARE!” ?

    “The Mommy Wars” is just a topic for another article or blog post or newszine when there isn’t anything else to draw attention to. People judge each other. Working moms, stay home moms, working stay home moms, never been moms, never want to be moms, etc., etc. It’s what people do. If you didn’t think your way was the best way, or the best that you could do, why would you be doing it?

    • Um, could it be because even perfect strangers in the hospital threaten to have your child removed when they call the police because you are abusing the child by making them sit correctly in the cart at the grocery store? Yes, this has actually happened. You get TIRED of being judged (or being advised couched in a whole lot of judgment).

  65. Jenn

    I can’t wait for the day that we as women can say, and think honestly, ‘Great, I am so happy that works for you.’ I loved this post! After having three kids I have found myself on both sides of several of these opinions, life is real and it’s ever changing. Spread the word!

  66. Marilyn

    I’m so overjoyed and elated with this movement!! Please count me in!

  67. Donna Robino

    End the Mommy wars. I think this is one of the best campaigns ever.

  68. Heather

    Mommy wars are ridiculous indeed. However, not all of these issues are about being “better” than someone else. There are health concerns to consider. Choosing to formula feed shouldn’t be encouraged… it is not in the child’s best interests, only the mother’s. Not being able to breastfeed is a completely different story. Choosing to cirumsize is harmful and alters a boy’s body without his consent, our society tries to find “reasons” to perpetuate this terrible tradition. Do people really think the male human body was made imperfect?

    • There are absolutes

      What is so terrible about circumcision?

    • Anion

      Not one scientific study has been able to prove that breastfeeding is *significantly* better than formula-feeding. It does have benefits, but they’re not enormous, and they pretty much disappear after a few years. And sometimes formula feeding is in fact in the child’s best interests, and those of his or her family. I breastfed, and I loved doing it and was happy to do it, but that doesn’t mean anyone who does not breastfeed is wrong or endangering their child’s health. I have a friend who suffered severe sexual abuse throughout her pre-teen years, and the thought of breastfeeding triggered hysterical panic attacks; do you think she should have been forced to do it anyway because she was just being selfish and thinking only of herself and her own best interests?

      Also, I do not believe anyone “made” the male human body; I believe it evolved. Your appendix serves no known purpose, so why were you “made” with one? (Let’s not even mention that “imperfect” people, or rather people with physical problems or flaws, are born every day. I myself am terribly nearsighted–I am in fact legally blind without correction. Should I eschew contacts and glasses because hey, I couldn’t have been “made” imperfect? How do you explain my nearsightedness? Is it my fault? Did I, at the age of four when I got my first pair of glasses, do something to deserve it somehow? Or is my nearsightedness a myth, because there’s no way I could have been made imperfect?) What about those mothers you think should perhaps be allowed to formula feed without judgment, because they’re not able to breastfeed–how do you reconcile that inability with the idea that people are not “made” imperfect?

      How do you explain people with chromosomal disorders, or physical disabilities? My BFF’s son was born with a penile malformation that required circumcision to correct; is that one of those false “reasons” you speak of, or did someone decide he deserved to be imperfectly made? Was it more “harmful” to circumcise [note spelling] him, or should my BFF have just let the painful condition continue until he was old enough to consent?

      Sheesh.

    • Kim M

      “Choosing to formula feed shouldn’t be encouraged… it is not in the child’s best interests, only the mother’s.”

      Really? I was *able* to breastfeed, but my son would not accept my breast or the milk within. I had numerous LCs help, I spoke to my OB, I spoke to his pediatrician. I as fully able to nurse my son, but HE chose not to. Do you suggest I just let him starve instead of giving him formula? I was 100% encouraged to give my son formula and I have never regretted a day of formula feeding. My son is reaching all of his milestones within the “average” time frame; if not sooner.

      YOU are the reason Mommy Wars and Mommy Shaming exist. YOU are the problem.

  69. Heather

    This project is about acknowledging different parenting choices can raise healthy kids… it’s why I included the two examples I gave. Donor breastmilk is becoming more readily available which is great for mom’s who understand its a concern giving a baby cow milk formula.

    I want to create awareness, however I know mom’s who have formula fed or cirumsized, and never have made them feel badly about their choice… what’s done is done. I do however give expecting mom’s info on both breastfeeding and circumcision and offer my support. Never preachy, if they choose differently I respect that.

    • There are absolutes

      Do you ask them if they want your information before you give it?

    • Anion

      And studies have shown a not-insignificant percentage of donor breastmilk is contaminated with all sorts of things, from THC to AIDS (I wish I was making that up, but I am not). I’m amazed that you’d rather feed your baby the bodily fluids of a complete stranger than sterile formula, scientifically created to mimic human breastmilk as closely as possible.

      And if you’d walked up to a pregnant me and started giving me your unsolicited opinions on nursing and circumcision, I’d have told you to step right off, because what I do isn’t any of your business.

    • JR

      Donor breastmilk? That can cost a couple of bucks per ounce and has risks of contamination. Not every woman can afford $30 to hundred-ish dollars per day for that. Woman who can’t or don’t want to do that shouldn’t be judge differently from those who do. If the child is well fed and happy, that’s all that matters.

    • Cheer

      Heather, I feel the same. I don’t make other mom’s feel judged for choosing to circumcise their baby, but I would still encourage new mom’s to make a better choice. I don’t think it’s really debatable that circumcision is harmful to your child…I’m pretty sure anytime you cut a piece of a baby’s body off it’s going to have some lasting physical and psychological effects…that goes without saying. The idea is to educate people rather than continuing to make choices out of ignorance and misinformation!

  70. Kristenv

    BEAUTIFULLY DONE, ladies!!! Thank you for this. :-)

  71. I’d love to see “I choose to vaccinate my children.” ” I choose not to vaccinate my children.” This is the mommy war I see most in my life!

    • Lara

      Oh, NOW I read the comments! I had the same exact thought!

    • Erika

      I hope you’re not equating the choice to vaccinate or not with the choices in the article. The ones listed in the article are all potentially healthy choices. Not vaccinating is simply risking your health, your child’s health, and the health of people around you for the sake of pseudoscience and ignorance.

    • Erika

      A more telling portrait or juxtaposition of signs would be: “I chose not to vaccinate my child”; “My child was too young to be vaccinated, and now he’s dead of whooping cough because of my unvaccinated neighbor.”

    • Lindsay

      Yes, I agree this is the biggest war going on between Moms right now. The funny thing is, that Moms are not the experts on the subject and the experts on this subject unanimously agree. Ask any pediatrician or immunologist. Vaccines are proven. Yet Mommies still like to create their own “war” on the topic amongst themselves without the proper education or training on the subject. It always amazes me how Moms would take the advice of their friend who may have 1 child over a pediatrician who has made a career treating thousands of kids. Ask the experts on this topic. There is no reason for a war over vaccines. There’s really no debate at all in the medical community.

      • Linda

        Interesting, we are a military family where vaccinated or not vaccinated would determine whether or not the family stayed together during some assignments—-yet, I’ve had pediatricians who leaned towards not vaccinating and didn’t try to convince you that you should vaccinate and even supported parents choice to turn down vaccinations. SO, NOT ALL pediatricians agree.

    • Janeen

      YES…this is the BIG one they missed!! (and I think deliberately.)
      I go to great lengths to keep my kids immune systems very strong through a traditional diet and high vitamin ‘real food’ supplements. It works for me.
      I don’t judge people that don’t do this, but people sure think my kids are just a walking plague AND THEY ARE NOT!! They don’t get sick when half their classes are home sick! I can’t remember the last time anyone was sick in my whole house. I’m totally prepared to deal holistically with anything that comes along (and I would keep my kids at home) but that doesn’t stop the hate from mom’s that are so positive they we are going to kill their ‘vaccinated’ kids.
      There is PLENTY of conflicting evidence about vaccine safety, you just have to want to know it’s there.

  72. Patti

    This is awesome! Thank you for this.

  73. Amy

    Love this! I completely agree. Everyone/family is entitled to raise their children however they wish!

  74. I love it. I believe this to be the base matter with many things wrong in this world of ours. I choose to believe all moms are doing their best with totally different circumstances. Dads too. Post on!!!!

  75. Nickole

    Being a mom is life changing and hard.Therfore, we defiantly don’t need anyone bashing our ways! I am glad to see a positive campaign about moms as a whole. ;)

  76. Liz

    Super. Now how ’bout extending this to “stop the WOMEN wars”? Because I am a single, thirtysomething woman who has chosen to not get married or have kids – and I can’t tell you how many times I get scathing replies/looks from women who are married with kids and think I’m a horrible person for making this choice. Rarely do I ever get positive feedback, because apparently, women are SUPPOSED to have children.

    So… where’s my group, eh? Can I hold up a sign that says “I chose not to have children” and gain encouragement and support and positive feedback?

    No, I didn’t miss the point of this – it’s mommies supporting mommies, and I fully support that. I just believe that support should be extended to ALL women.

    • Lele

      I’m not trying to be rude, but what do you as a single woman with no kids need support/positive feedback for? I personally don’t judge people without kids, honestly, I don’t even really think one way or another about them. There are a lot of common issues involved with raising kids, moms need to support each other because it’s a pretty stressful, involved job. I don’t think non-moms should expect to be applauded for their choice not to procreate, but you shouldn’t be put down either. Just live your juicebox-less life, and if you want a support group, take up a sport or a group activity, so you’ve actually done something to receive positive feedback. If You’re just another (probably awesome) person, why should anyone care that you didn’t have kids? Most women who choose not to have babies, don’t sit around wondering why no one’s patting them on the back, they just enjoy their free time and extra money. Good luck with your search for validation.

    • I agree. That is your choice as a woman. (I was previously on the side of this, as well, and have two best friends who are on this side, so I can understand completely.) While I am a mommy, I do think support should be extended to all women because I personally have seen single women attacked and/or nearly shunned for saying this.

  77. Amanda

    Wow………. So many commenters missed the point of this post!

  78. Lara

    They forgot the “I vaccinate” & “I choose NOT to vaccinate”. Now THAT’S a hot topic, is it not? It is in my world. :)

  79. This is AMAZING! I am sharing it wtih my readers. Love this!

  80. I wish all moms can put their differences aside and see each other as moms

  81. Francesca

    Love these pictures and all so true. I do work on not judging but what about when we feel judged. Let’s start a campaign to help increase confidence in moms who feel judgement or self conscious bc of decisions we make. Not judging others sometimes for me is easier than feeling judged from others. How do we remain confident in the decisions we make and stand by our “plans” ?

  82. Stacie Harrison

    Absolutely agree! No two children are just alike and will do things and learn at their own pace. All of you perfectionists relax. get over it! They will get it done. Hopefully belly before they’re 39 but they they will get it!!!!

  83. Jessica

    Absolutely love this!!! Being a mom is hard enough, we don’t need wars going on as well.

  84. VoRmj

    New Page 1

    If you think there are mommy wars,
    you’re trite, fickle and have too much time on your hands
    . Who cares if you
    are a stay at home mom? Who cares if you feed your child garbage? It’s up to you
    to decide what is good parenting and if in fact, you actually want to be a good
    parent. Very simple. Don’t try to justify your sh*t decisions.
    If you’re a bad parent by a large
    consensus, then you’re certainly ripe for parody and other judging. It’s a part
    of life and it is there for a reason. It’s a caveat of evolution; life is trying
    to constantly improve itself. In the past, stronger, smarter tribes destroyed
    other tribes. Now we just ridicule them.
    Considering the latter, you should
    take a little judging and maybe learn from it.
    If the person doing the judging is in
    the wrong or unwarranted, then she’s a bitch. "Mommy wars" isn’t a
    real thing, stop creating problems that don’t exist.

  85. This is great! My girls are in their 20′s there was a LOT of judging going on when they were little. I made many decisions others thought were expecting to much of my “little kids”, and I always responded “I realize they won’t fully understand it now, but I am raising adults, and if I don’t start expecting things now, too soon it will be too late.” I thoroughly enjoy seeing who they are still evolving to become, and am grateful for all the loving support of friends, and mentors along the way.

    MOM, shortest job title with the longest and most varied job description you will ever see.

    Enjoy the ride!

  86. Awesome!! There are so many ways that your message should be internalized by society (not just mommy wars)! Thank you for the thoughtful campaign!

  87. Monica

    I got an idea, maybe if everyone stopped broadcasting their lives in a detailed play-by-play or unnecessary photos via social media outlets, then perhaps there would be less for people to judge each other on. Just saying.

  88. Patsy

    I am so happy to see this! I hate when seine tries to say only one way is right! I lost many friends during my children’s younger years for it! It is encouraging to have someone to talk it through with!

  89. Angie Rogers

    I’d love to have maternal age added to the discussion. Some of us become mothers at a young age. Some of us become mothers at an older age. Statistics might speak to how our maternal age impacts how we mother or how healthy our pregnancies might be, but we are all individuals who entering our pregnancies and motherhood with our own unique set of circumstances. Each of us can be a good mom, regardless of whether we happen to be a teen mom or a mom in our late 40s. What we need is love and support as we do it.

  90. Beth

    I’m not a mommy yet either. I’m not ready yet – partly fear of the unknown and partly a purely selfish love of my current lifestyle. And to be honest, seeing the way my mommy friends tear apart each other’s parenting styles makes me even more hesitant to enter the journey of parenthood. Too often I see my otherwise kind, loving, and accepting mommy friends turn cruel and judging in conversations with or about parents with different styles. It’s like they suddenly forget that they are all in the same boat – just trying to figure out how to get this right without any manual to guide them.

    I love seeing these little reminders that everyone is in the same boat. It’s time to stop all the judging and focus on the common experience of being a beautiful, loving mommy just trying to figure out this whole kids thing (or in my case just a woman trying to figure out this whole life thing – just to extend it a little further to the way women are pitted against each other in general).

  91. Abbi

    I am a stay-at-home mom expecting my third child (baby girl #3). I have done things differently with each of my first two children. Because my two daughters have vastly different personalities, I have had to learn what works best for each of my own children. I would never dream of judging another mom, especially because I know how it feels to be judged. There’s a lot of pressure out there to be this kind of mom or that kind of mom, but I find that simply being a mom is superb. I love my children more than anything, and I parent the very best way I know how. I think this article is fantastic! No more judging moms!!!

  92. Dulce sharp

    I love this !! That’s how we need to raise our kids open and respectful to others. I choose to speak Spanish to my baby

  93. KJ

    Can we add:
    I don’t have any children and I shouldn’t have to explain my situation.
    I don’t want to have children and I’m still a woman.
    I can’t have children and I’m still a woman.
    I can’t have children and don’t like to talk about it.

    There’s another side to the Mommy wars. There are those who can’t have or don’t want children and there are lots of moms (and others) out there who feel it’s their place to comment about or probe into our situation.

  94. Christopher Scott

    Having read the article, I must conclude that the author who was “raised Catholic” but “grew to vehemently (reject) the dogma” obviously did not learn her Catechism very well. Had she done so, I believe that she would have realized that the Faith of her upbringing is decidedly not judgmental. At the core of our Faith is the Great Commandment which is an invitation to love others in the same way that God loves us. This commandment has two parts: firstly, to love God above all things (with all of our hearts, mind and strength); and the second is like it – to love our neighbors as ourselves. The Catholic Church does not persecute any individual or group of individuals. Rather, it is the Church that has been frequently on the receiving end of persecutions by those in power who are intolerant of the Faith. In Truth, the arguments presented in this article offered as reasons for rejecting the Faith cannot be supported when compared against the reality of the Catholic Church. Don’t take my word for it. I encourage you to learn the Truth for yourself. It is ironic in an article about the importance of not judging that the author has, herself, misjudged the Church.

  95. Janie

    I get and concur with the message here to an extent.

    It seems like every Mom on the planet has a pet hot button “issue” that irks her. There’s a lady in these comments who is very pro-breastfeeding and anti-circumcision. I get that, I do. There’s no quibbling with the science behind the former, but the science is not necessarily behind the latter. I’m all in favor of support the choices of other Moms, except when their choices are dangerous and not at all supported by real, documented science. Co-sleeping is my touchy subject. I just find it irresponsible. All the best evidence is that it’s dangerous and at times deadly for small babies. I even read an instance of a co-sleeping siblings smothering an infant sibling with an arm across the face while he was sleeping. I don’t openly chastise mothers who make that choice, but I silently judge the hell out of them. They’re often big ol’ hypocrites and are ultra conservative on every other choice they make, too. Often they’re have their kid rear facing in the car ’til they’re 35. It’s a choice I don’t understand when all the best science out there says it’s dangerous. I just don’t get it.

    • Betsy

      Thank you SO MUCH for pointing this out. I noticed several comments about focusing on how these are all “potentially healthy” choices. Co-sleeping is never a good choice. Regardless of your “mommy instincts” (another phrase i have issue with), there is a high chance you can roll over on a child and not realize it. I encourage sleeping in the same room, but co-sleeping is irresponsible and uninformed. The experts agree- link to 1.usa.gov

    • When Muffin was a newborn, we would snuggle, but he would sleep in his crib in our room. I was so petrified of SIDs that, to run the risk (whether I was right or not) of being my human eggbeater self and smothering him to death in the night scared me.

  96. Melissa Daniels

    I absolutely love this. This is such a great idea. Where I live there’s always someone judging the other mother or parents on how they raise their children. I personally have my own way of raising my boys and im happy the way I chose to raise them. People always think that their way is wrong and it annoys me. Everyone grew up differently. I definitely support this.

  97. Ashley

    I love this, people can make you feel about an inch tall for the way you choose to raise your baby. It isn’t right. Everyone has their own ways and opinions. Let me raise mine and you raise yours. Love love love this!!! I was unable to breastfeed and I wanted to badly, I chose to quit trying and go with formula, people made me feel very small for that decision.

  98. Heather

    TAA: Maybe instead you should ask what’s wrong with foreskin. If a mom REALLY is interested in finding out truth about circumcision it’s not hard.

    No, I don’t ask permission prior to sending out info on these topics. I figure if the person isn’t interested in reading it they’ll delete my e-mail or post. Last time I checked, sharing info isn’t illegal.

  99. Donna Benson

    Oh I totally agree with this! I always felt like the whole Mommy war was like High School. Everyone is different. It would be an awful place if we were. My children are all grown and now have grandchildren but I don’t think much has changed when it comes to child rearing. Good luck to you all. You’re going to need it!!!!!

  100. Azeneth López

    Maternity as a gift from life, is wonderful enough. Comparisons or judgements are absolutely out-of-place. We all have this natural wisdom that guide us individually, depending of the child (or children) we must raise and educate. Respect and humility are required -and absolutely precious- tools, to build a better, peaceful, human society.

  101. I think the sentiment behind this is great, unrealistic, yet great. I cant help but wonder how many moms in these photos are gritting there teeth with judgments passing through there head as the flash goes off. I don’t really buy into the whole “Mommy Wars” thing myself, you wanna screw up your kid buy shoveling fast food in their face have at it! (I am kidding….or am I?) I do things differently then many and I don’t care what people think about it, you shouldn’t either! Its become human nature to judge, an unconscious automatic reaction. Just don’t be a bitch about it, and don’t let those who are bitches get to you.

    • melissa

      Fantastic. 2 years into womanhood and in the past couple of months I am just now coming into the “can’t give a shot what they think” attitude. Because everyone, even non-mommys judge. Look at your child: is he happy, healthy, well adjusted? If yes, then you have the answer if what you’re doing is right. Bravo!

  102. Thank you so much for posting this! It’s hard enough to be a parent these days… us mamas need to stick together!

  103. kristy

    I love it as a mommy of two boys raising them alone n working 48 hrsva week I love reading this stuff

  104. Laura

    This is beautiful! Thank you, ladies!

  105. Brianna

    While this kind of unity is a nice idea, it’s pretty disappointing not to see women of color included. Feminism is hollow without every woman at the table.

  106. Courtney Hall

    While I agree with this campaign’s overall message, it still compartmentalizes women into tiny little boxes. Are you not a good mom if you haven’t lost your baby weight and you’re honestly not trying that hard? What is “reasonably” crying it out? Makes me wonder if I’m unreasonable. Mom’s are so much more than the sum of their parenting choices. It’s much easier to refrain from judging someone when you view them as a whole person rather than a choice that they’ve made.

  107. Kristen

    I think that there should also be a picture of parents that vaccinate and choose not to vaccinate. I find that many parents are judged for this decision!

  108. Tanya

    OMG-I absolutely Loved this. What a wonderful message!

  109. I had to comment because I just thought this was so amazing! It brought me to tears! I love that you are trying to raise awareness and end the mommy wars! I have been there so many times with the judgmental looks, the “try this” advice, the whispers behind your back and the downright cruelty that comes from those moms who don’t approve of your choices on how you raise your child. I have 4 myself ranging from 7 to 8 months old. Each child is completely different and what works for one, may not work for the rest. Because I have always been so opposed to the criticism; I myself refuse to treat any other mom with that same cruelty. Women can be so mean and judgmental sometimes. I will give parenting advice only when asked and will follow it up with “This worked for me, but you may have to find what works best for you.” Mothers know their children better than anyone and it’s up to them to decide what is best for them. Thank you for letting me share! :)

  110. Micah

    Hey, this is good stuff. One persons choice may not be right for another person, and who are you to force another person into your way doing things. We are not the Borg (Startrek reference). Human beings are different, and not only is that ok…it adds variety to our existence…which is a good thing. If someone isnt treading on the rights of others, or harming others, let them live their lives as they see fit.

  111. Sorry, but a “stay at home mom” is a working mom, just unpaid in this country.

  112. Lindsay

    Love the message of this campaign, but wish there was more racial diversity represented. I see a lot of white Moms and not much else. Hard to represent ALL Moms like that.

  113. Love this! I was wondering if I could post one of your pictures with a link to your blog on my website? We are going live with the site within a week! If you go there now you’ll just see our mission statement. Thanks for sharing this! Hope it spreads far and wide!

  114. Julie

    Yes! Awesome…I love this idea!

  115. Christina Guida

    Love it! Too many to choose from..all are great topics and all are even better woman/mommys regardless of their decisions!

  116. Thank you! Its a tough war to end, but one battle at a time……even not thinking that judgy thing about the woman in front of you at the store is a win if you can be true to yourself about the fact that you are doing it. Good luck to all!

  117. Skbrum

    This is a nice idea, but it’s all about choices and some of us didn’t have choices in everything. I wanted a natural birth but had to have an emergency c-section. I desperately wanted to breast feed but my milk never cane in. I wanted to stay at home but had to work. I sometimes feel judged for these “choices” that were made for me. In the end, I am just happy that I have beautiful healthy children.

  118. MeganS

    This is really great! Whether they are choices or have-to’s, each experience is different. If we can learn to get along, it gives me great confidence that our kids will get along too and accept differences in others!

  119. Debi Lentz

    What a wonderful world this would be!! Thank you to ALL of the choices!!!!!

  120. Janice Morrison

    I absolutely love this!! My best friend and I were just talking about this over the weekend. I mentioned how I never joined mom’s groups because I didn’t want to get looks for all the things they might think I was doing “wrong”. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this campaign!!

  121. I totally agree, we have to work together and agree to differ. We all make a difference in our own way!!! If we can be tolerant of others beliefs we do our children a great favour!!!

  122. Meadd Miller

    way to go ladies! I see “mommy war” issues all the time and i have done it myself, judged. This is fabulous and creative. Thank you ;)

  123. Stacey Smith

    I think why we tend to do this is because we feel we are making the best choice, so innately when someone else makes a different choice it feels like they are saying that our choice isn’t best. Therefore, we automatically become defensive before anyone even speaks a word and then we turn it around to make it sound like we are the correct patent doing what’s best.

  124. Jackie

    Amazing!! Before kids I was judgmental of those who thought differently than me. Now I see I need to embrace, support, and love the women in my life.

  125. M. Egbuniwe

    From the perspective of an Ob/Gyn that is also a new mom- AMAZING! I always tell my patients to not focus on the judgement and opinions of others- raising their children in the way that encourages them to be the best mothers possible (healthy physically and mentally). However, when my daughter was born, I had such a challenging time applying my own advice. This post is just wonderful and so inspiring!

  126. Kathryn Abbott

    I absolutely love this. All too often Moms judge Moms- women judge women. I started a moms group called the Pram Posse and I tell fellow moms to unite and battle this lovely job of parenting together.
    Kathryn Abbott
    Newmarket,On

  127. lotus

    These are great… I could think of a few more…. tv watchers vs. parents who don’t own a tv…. homeschoolers vs. public or private school….. those are some that I have had to deal with… I’m sure there are more.. I love the message of this whole campaign… live and let live… but more importantly support and be supported <3

  128. Rebecca Wilson

    I think this is super awesome. Would of loved to be apart of this.

  129. Mommy Heidi

    Omg really? ! ? Some of you ladies are throwing the race card? ! I think the ones who throw the race cards first, are the MOST racist out there. I never even saw race, I saw WOMAN UNITING! Get over your damn selves.

  130. Brenda Williams

    How amazing….this is how it should be! My babies are no longer babies…daughter age 20 and son age 18. I am so glad to see women being happy with the choices they made…no right, no wrong and most importantly “No Judgement”!! Thanks for sharing

  131. Julie

    Amen! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  132. Jersey Jill

    I absolutely LOVE this article and pictures. How can I continue this campaign in New Jersey? I would love to be a part of this and get mothers in my community involved.

  133. I love this! It really made me think. I believe that some of these issues have right-and-wrong lines, BUT it is absolutely none of my business whether another Mom has made the “right” choice for her family. If she is neither neglecting nor harming them, working to understand her children and do what she feels is best for them, then she is doing a great job!!!

  134. Love It!!!

    Great job with this. As a mom I feel supported and understood!

  135. JSeiderer

    I’m one of the mamas who participated in the photo shoot and I want to thank you all for the (mostly kind) comments and the dialogue here. Please know that the group of women gathered that day did include some diversity and mothering choices that are not immediately apparent in these photos. The way I see it is that this mama thing — however we came to it and however we go about it — is hard enough. Let’s not also beat each other up for our choices. We all love our children.

  136. Mommy Payne

    If you don’t want unsolicited advise, they why post in the first place? How about instead of mommy wars we excercise a bit of mommy keep you personal family choices to your self. Because when things don’t work out according to your publicly broadcasted plan you feel judged. I’m a mom and a clinician and their are some widely identified best practices for example when it comes to health and nutrition, but when you can hold up a sign telling the world the you feed your children fast good, expect to be judged.

  137. Amanda

    This campaign is one I would support!!! I find the social media pages so full of drama. You have our it so we’ll, mommy wars!!! It does not make sense to me why a difference in opinion has to turn into judgement or a battle. Divergence is what is so beautiful about our families!!!

  138. Courtney

    Wonderful message! Very inspiring!

  139. Jennifer Ditto

    Oh my God I love this I love this I love this soooooo much!!!!! It brings tears to my eyes and this is how it should be! WHO CARES? We love our children no matter what choices we deem best, let’s start loving and supporting each other! The best gift we can give our children is to love them enough to teach them to go out into the world with open hearts and minds and try to instill the strength in them to make their own choices and accept other’s choices…we must lead by example.

  140. Mary

    I will never forget when I was trying to breastfeed my daughter and finding out I was starving her instead. So I switched to formula. The nurse at my pediatrician’s office told me I was a failure as a mother and that they would be seeing a lot more of my daughter because she was going to be sick all the time. I not only changed doctors (after filing a formal complaint against the nurse AND the doctor) but my daughter only went to the doctor ONCE in her first 5 years with an ear infection. So, you do what you feel is right and necessary and ignore the naysayers out there. By the way. my daughter is now 14 and perfect! :D

  141. Karen Lrohn

    There are moms who “stay at home” but work out their home, there are moms who work outside the home but have minimal help from a dad once their “work day is over”. There are single moms who have to do both and married moms who do too. Motherhood is such a special ‘occupation’ that fighting over who has it easier or harder is frustrating to all of you. I was a stay at home mom for 3 years, I loved it, breastfed the youngest till she was two and the oldest only bottles and the middle for 10 months. I couldn’t wait to go to work part time (luckily I am a nurse and I could choose that) for the money and some sanity. I don’t feel guilty and my kids have all grown up healthy and happy and are wonderful parents themselves. STOP These “wars” we all are in the same boat.

  142. Nicole

    So good! I think all mothers can see negative & positives in each others decisions but respect that we are all individuals and adults who need to support each other and not tear one another down!

  143. Meghan

    I have never understood what mommy wars are (and I have a 4 1/2 year old), but I suspect it wouldn’t be thing if people would just realize no one wants their unsolicited advice or opinion when it comes to a child that is not theirs. I mean, that’s just logical.

  144. Bethany Mussman

    I love this! There are so many choices we make as parents that it’s so easy to second guess ourselves. I think the biggest reason we start to judge is we are worried that we, ourselves, aren’t doing good enough, and we don’t always have the ability to do more or be more. When we put that pressure on ourselves, we put that pressure on not only other women, but on our families. I’m not perfect, but my kids are happy and healthy, and they radiate the fact that they are absolutely safe and adored!

  145. Deborah Bell Rodahaffer

    Excellent! I have always said that if women would embrace our differences and cheer other women’s accomplishments rather than having these wars of “my way is the right/only/best way”, we would have a female president, and women would be the majority gender in the house and the senate plus we would recreate school systems and other systems that work. YES! As women, let’s love more and judge less.

  146. Jessica

    I love this…We are sisters and should love and empower eachother…I support no more mommy wars and will do my part starting now…

  147. Irina

    We as mothers choose what we think is best for our baby/kids, I don’t need someone to tell me how I need to raise my child. Yes you can give advice but don’t make it sound like I am not doing it right! As long as my babies are healthy and happy I will do it my way.

  148. LilGrandma

    Ok so this is a great campaign, there are a few things that I do have a strong opinion about that are PROVEN to be a danger to both mother and child, one is the C-Section the other is Inducing Birth. C-section is a LAST RESORT when a natural birth is too dangerous or impossible. Not a convenient option just because you don’t want to go through the pain of giving birth. Inducing labor is another last resort that should not be used until the mother is at least 15 days past her due date, not because the doctor finds it convenient to deliver the baby between 8 and 5. The risk for mother and child in both of these instances are way to high and there is no enjoyment in giving birth that way. So no, I don’t think it’s cool to hold up a sign saying ‘I choose a C-section’. If you elect to become a mother, then elect what holds the least risk to take the life of your child.

    • While I do applaud you for at least acknowledging the idea that there sometimes isn’t another option besides C-section, let me tell ya my story. I kept telling my doctor that I didn’t want to induce, didn’t want to induce. Fifteen days past my due date, my blood pressure is slowly starting to go up (My oldest sister had pre-eclampsea-sp? so imagine my fear of that as a first time mom) and the doctor and I both decided that, if I didn’t go into labor naturally before the next Monday I would induce. Then after several hours with the drip (and giving up halfway through and saying yes to the epidural–that was a struggle until the back labor reminded me of a car accident a couple of years earlier that almost destroyed my back and delayed our childbirth plans), my doctor came to tell me that I wasn’t going to reach 10 cm and that a C-section would be necessary. The cord was wrapped around my son’s neck three times, and even if that weren’t the issue, my lovely hips would not have been wide enough to accommodate his removal…naturally. So, we both would have died. I would never have gone into labor naturally.

  149. This is overdue! Thanks… Any upbeat soundtrack in mind??

  150. M

    Nope. I will judge you and your parenting all day long if you do something that hurts your child developmentally, emotionally or physically such as CIO or circumcision or spanking. I will NOT respect you for your decisions just because you are also a mother. I would expect to be judged if I did some thing that harmed my children. Cloth diaper or sposies- don’t care. Work or SAH- don’t care. Spank your kid or cut his penis or ignore their cries- I am judging you and so is your kid.

  151. What a truly wonderful way to show support toward mothers different from yourselves! As a man and a private preschool / kindergarten school owner I have all to often been a witness to the “Mommy wars” played out for years between mothers. This is refreshing and powerful! Well done.

  152. Ok! I absolutely LOVE this! I was going to do a post about this subject and now this gives me more to go off of. I love all the photos. I have a 23 year old daughter and we were discussing how hard it is in todays day to be a mom who isn’t “judged” in some way for their parenting skills. Then I saw others young moms making similar statements of frustration. Thanks for sharing this so I could see it and pass it along!

  153. Amber

    Thank you! I love this. I am so saddened when these topics are judged even between close friends. I always feel like its not recognized that we have all been raised differently ( sometimes vastly )? And yet we can enjoy our friendships and respect each other as adults. How come we don’t see the benefit in how wonderful it can be to have these differences in raising our children as well? As well as how “easy” or “difficult” pregnancy, birthing, breast feeding, and parenting is for all women. We’ve all got our strengths and weaknesses. Just be accepting and supportive. Heck, it all passes so fast anyways. And I’m pretty sure most of us can look back and realize we would do some of the things we swore were the best, differently. I know I’ve made different choices for my first two, and I’m onto the third. I can already think of a few things I may change. Good luck to all the mamas out there doing their best to raise happy healthy humans :)

  154. Dee

    It seems this attracts its intended audience like light does moths! Everyone here is extremely judgemental, including myself :)
    So here’s a little list to feed you hungry vultures: I co-sleep; I don’t vaccinate; I gave birth at home in water; I avoid gmo; I only feed my baby organic; I use homeopathy; I support baby led weaning; I work; I don’t let my baby cry; I plan to home school; Don’t go to “well visits”:p

    My 15 month old has never been sick, is always smiling and interactive, she eats, sleeps
    and thrives! That’s why I make the choices I do! Your approval or lack thereof means nothing!

  155. Sarah

    Some of these topics are such major points of judgement as SIDS is discussed and debated more and more often. I know that I felt horrible the first time I fell asleep while nursing my baby and woke up with her asleep on my chest. As SIDS causes have been ingrained in our heads causing fear in many parents. People loose sight of their natural instincts bc there is so much discussion and debate over parenting practices. Although conducting research and becoming and informed parent regarding different parenting styles is a wonderful idea if you are experiencing doubts about your decisions. I had a hard time trusting my instincts bc I was afraid of SIDS risks. Hell now research is suggesting that babies have no blanket in their crib at all due to SIDS risks. If that’s the case it’s a miracle any of us ever survived. Personally I believe part of that issue is related to sleep deprivation and desperation resulting in sleep training tactics that cause parents to ignore their instincts and their children. Ultimately that is neither here nor there. Everyone truly is entitled to make their own parenting decisions, and I would never tell someone they are wrong. I do believe that everyone should way the pros and cons of the decisions they make and make informed choices.

  156. Desirae Hrynchyshyn

    I absolutely love it! I say it’s about time! I have never cared to compete and never will with any mom or woman for that matter over being a better parent. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I believe we have lost that mentality in today’s ‘gotta be the best’ world. I love it!

  157. Kelly

    You might as well stretch forth your puny arms and stop the Misssissippi as think that women will ever stop cutting on each other. Its in their nature. It starts in High School and stops….never. Just read these post and see what a petty and hateful group you are. I am so glad I am a man. We just punch each other and then we are friends for life. LOL

  158. Mrs. G

    This is fantastic and absolutely refreshing. I have been wishing to see something like this in a really long time. It would have been nice to include other VERY hot topics that seems highly controversial and almost impossible to agree on though, such as vaccines, TV, spanking, etc. maybe this inspires others to join the movement and take it a step further adding some of those subjects. As a mother of 2 small children I’ve found myself emotionally drained when judgmental people are around me and my kids (sometimes no words are even required) and I’ve made it my goal to make others comfortable around me and focus on my kids and what’s best for my family rather than on what other moms are doing. My motto “if it works for you and makes you and your kids happy, then great!!!”. Thank God for diversity now we just need to adjust the judging settings.

  159. Mary Haroun

    Great message – as a woman who wanted children and has unexplained infertility you feel left out and unable to be part of your mommy friends lives. Is there away to incorporate women who can’t have children but support the mom friends?

  160. Wow that was really powerful! I really liked the picture of how the two mothers felt after giving birth. Its true there is such a wide range and we need to be understanding and encouraging to one another.

  161. jamie janze

    I wish there was a I vaccinate my child and a I decided not to vaccinate my child! :)

  162. Cate

    It drives me crazy how many mums are fighting who is being the best mum, i live in the netherlands and a friend of mine was not happy I got pregnant before her, i was like why? I didn’t even plan this, we used condoms, seriously, who cares! of course I gave birth before her too and that was a problem too. She wanted to make sure that her child would walk before my child so when the child was 3 months she put him in a baby walker (his legs are not completely straight cause of the early walking) and at 7 months her child would walk, 8 months run, 9 months talk, etc. I was like I don’t care my child started crawling at 11 months and walk at 14. As long as she can walk before she is 4 years old. I don’t care her child is faster, we always said we are doing everything on how fast our child wants to do it. Ive been nursing for 27 months now and apparently here in Holland thats bad, you should stop before your child turns 3 or 6 months. So many problems and opinions of other people. I totally agree with the column above, all mums should stick together and help out where they can help out, and LEARN from others. If I had the money I would have used cloth diapers, if someone could have told me I should rest more cause of severe hip joints instability it would have listened, stop begin stubborn and trying to do everything by your own.

  163. zona

    Love this campaign. Though I think its missing one very hot topic-I chose to opt for pain relief/ I went all natural.

  164. Bethan Lewis

    Brilliant… and about bloody time!! We all make our own choices for whatever reasons and a little bit of mutual respect ladies would go along way!!! Love ya all xx

  165. Jennie Pikowski

    I really think yhis is amazing, its right in you face, sometimes thats the things you dont see. I wish I seen more of this .mabe the next time someone or even yourself noise up someone it will make woman thing . Love Love it. Thank you

  166. Tracy

    Love this idea. Stop the Mommy Wars!

  167. Liz Campbell

    You are JUST a housewife!! Actually I’m fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with my kids that makes me more than JUST anything, to my kids I am everything! Please don’t compare my life with your “working” life and tell me you cannot do the things I do because you work. We all make choices in life, staying home is mine and my husbands, and I am very thankful to him for providing me with this irreplaceable opportunity. :-)

  168. I am most of the above. I work out of the home but wish we could afford me being a stay at home mom. Sometimes Inlet my kids eat fast food but I wish I had the determination to only give them organics. I never let my bub cry it out but sometimes I wish I could (just for a minute-but I can’t) . I haven’t lost any baby weight (wish I could) and I use disposable diapers but I wish I has the tenacity to use cloth. I co-sleep, breastfeed have 2 beautiful kids and I am a very proud mamma :-)

  169. Kyesubire Talitwala-Greigg

    Thank you…this is honest and hits hard but in the same breathe it liberates…Thank you

  170. kait

    I love this but hate a lot of the comments! a right way and a Wrong way, no its your way and my way, i couldn’t breast feed, daughter wouldn’t latch I pumped for 3 months and still got judged while i was doing it! Dr told me to go to formula cause she wasnt getting enough I put her health above what others thought I should do.that’s parenting, caring more about your child then anything. And daycare! I work at a daycare how does it make you a bad person to go to work, put ur child in daycare (or home-care) so you can provide a house and food and electricity! thats good parenting caring for your childs well being! If you have the option to stay home and thats what you want great that’s awesome lucky for you some people don’t have that option or some people feel they want to work good for them there is your way and my way, my way works for me and my family don’t judge just like I don’t judge your way because it works best for your family

    • gabrielle

      there’s a difference between trying to do it the better way (yes BM is much better than formula, every one can agree on that) and not being able to, and simply choosing not to even try to give your child BM, just going straight to formula. so you should be applauded for your efforts, because you MADE an effort and that’s what make you a good Mom.

  171. Vaiari

    Live the campaign. A big fan and looking forward to a more positive attitude for all women who can embrace and support this cause!

  172. I think this is a great campaign. Families are complicated and many different paths can lead to good outcomes. However, you have left an entire class of women out in the cold. What about those of us who choose not to have children? I think there is no other group more judged. Most women immediately assume you tried, could not, and are in perpetual mourning over the lack. If your express no regret, they assume you are cold, selfish and megalumaniacally career focused. In reality, there are miriad reasons women make this decision, and no one should judge.

    Virginia Traylor
    Silver Spring, MD

  173. Cheryl shelp

    It was well said and how true it is mother have to do what they think is best for the family loved all the signs. Hit home for me.keep up the good work know matter were you live or what you do ……cheryl from Cornwall On,

  174. Pingback: Stop the Mommy Wars | The Doodlebug Adventures

  175. Renee Lenneman

    It’s interesting how many comments begin with something like, “I agree with most of this, except …” and they go on to bash the choice they don’t like. As a birth mom, foster mom, and adoptive mom, I believe there are better and worse choices for children, but the grey area is where do we draw the lines? Most moms have the best interest of their children in mind most of the time, but sometimes make choices that are easier for themselves… and that’s ok. But when the choice is detrimental to the child, that’s not ok. We should share our ideas and beliefs and practices, but then respect other moms’ choices to do things differently, unless the choice is substantially harmful to a child. Even that can be interpreted so differently, among us “laypeople” as well as the “experts.” Great dialogue!

  176. Meatball Jones

    The sad thing is, the main thing that grabs me is – it’s no one flipping business. It’s not your business if another mom breast feeds, or formula feeds. It’s not your business if another mom co sleeps, circumcised their son, works in yeh home, out of the home or doesn’t work at all.
    The sad fact is, the mommy wars are rampant because every judgemental little mommy sitting on her high horse thinks it’s their sole job to save the world one baby at a time who doesn’t conform to their standards.
    A sign that they have too much time on their hands and were never taught manners nor were they taught the REAL meaning of tolerance.
    These mommy wars make it really hard to socialize out there. We all need to look into the mirror and repeat three times “it’s not my right to make choices for other people”

  177. Christina

    I love this. To many women judge each other’s parenting techniques. My husband and I have 7 kids. People tell me all the time that we spoil them and give them everything on a silver platter. We get told that we shouldn’t have had so many kids. Every family is different and it’s not our place to judge someone else’s decisions. I wish people were more open minded.

  178. Stacey

    Many people on here have obviously missed the entire point of this post. As a mom I raise my son the way my husband and I see fit. We do what works for our family and follow our beliefs. As long as children are sheltered, fed, kept clean (diapered etc.), clothed for the weather, rested, and most importantly LOVED LOVED LOVED, mommies around the world can do whatever they please to make those things happen. Just make sure those little ones are cherished!

  179. Jeanelle

    I could not agree more with Lou. As a mother myself, I am secure enough in myself to be informed, curious, and confident in my decisions. I have a support system that fills me with ideas, suggestions and an open ear to the parenting that I choose. Should I ever be in a situation or conversation with a parent who has different parenting values than myself, so what. If other people’s opinions and criticism are going to keep you from sleeping at night, there is a bigger underlying problem. Anyone can just as easily choose not to listen to negative criticism, as they can choose to let it ruin their day. You decide. “Mommy Wars”, give me a break. Become empowered as a human being. This makes women look weak and pathetic.

  180. Melanie

    I noticed they didn’t include 2 of the hottest topics out there, Vaccinations and Circumcision, makes me wonder why they did that? O.o I agree with Julie, while I don’t sit there and bash other mom’s on how they should parent I don’t agree with at least half the stuff pictured here.

    C-sections should only be a last restort…not something you schedule out of convienece, formula feeding should only be used if you absolutely can’t breastfeed because of medical reasons and even then you can get donor milk, cloth diapers are way healthier and better for the baby and the enviroment….you don’t wear paper underwear do you? And finally babies don’t know how to manipulate so when they cry it’s because they need something, even comfort.

    So while I deon’t go around telling people how to raise their kids and mostly avoid convos with these topics, it doesn’t mean they are making a good choice on how they raise their kids.

    • Kate

      Melanie, you did just go and tell people how to raise their kids. Do you realize that saying YOU ARE MAKING A BAD CHOICE, that’s what you’re doing? Any viewpoint can be balanced by another opposing viewpoint and you can both be right. The whole point of this is just, KEEP YOUR JUDGEMENT TO YOURSELF BECAUSE WE CAN ALL BE ALRIGHT IN OUR CHOICES.

  181. Em

    I am with sandy. It was hard to get the point with only representing well off white families. And I guess that would be the point. Maybe there are no wars outside the middle-upper class whites. At least not at this level…

    I was raised middle class white woman. I do judge inside why peoples kids teeth are rotting, why a two year old is holding a can of diet pepsi… But what the heck I have my three sons to raise which sould theoretically put me in a position where I have no time to judge except my own parenting.

  182. Amy

    I have been guilty of judging others in this way. This brought tears to my eyes. We DO need to love more and judge less. And definitely be more supportive of other mommies.

  183. Christy West

    Anytime people gather, whether it’s around a campfire or at church, or just fishing at the favorite fishing spot. . . people are going to brag about things. Been around forever. Some people just have to “feel better” about themselves and feel like thy have more, do more, know more than others. So it’s everywhere – even in churches, libraries, prisons, tiny neighborhoods and large neighborhoods and especially in schools. You must not get caught up in it – - – TUNE IT OUT!

  184. Laura

    I would have loved to be involved in a project like this. It is something I have wondered a lot about. Why do we go around making life harder on one another when we have something so awesome in common! My first couple of years as a mom would have been a lot easier if I had gotten more understanding from people rather than the harsh judgment I received for having to go back to work, how I work our home schedule, how hard I tried to juggle daycare, the fact that I let my baby go without socks sometimes, etc…. Sometimes the harshness of others made me have harsh feelings for the people on the other side of the coin and I judged the whole group when it was just a few people who were unkind and it is something I am truly trying to work on. You can’t let a few people who are wrapped up in the “mommy war” get you down on yourself and on how you choose to raise your kids. We could learn a lot from one another if we would only stop trying to out-do one another!

  185. Megan

    I feel the ‘mommy wars’ are just plain ole stupid who cares what one person is doing and not doing. What really matters is that we raise our children to succeed and do well in life. Any more life feels like a competition or a race on who can do better, and frankly its not. Life is way to short to begin with so why would we put ourselves in this position and let others feel like they have won. Who cares if you lost weight right away or not, if your breastfeeding or not, or your a stay at mom or not. What boils down to is that we as moms try our best to learn from what our moms taught us and showed us when we where kids and go from there. If we need to tweak here and there to improve parenting techniques so be it. Not everyone is going to be perfect and do perfect things we are humans.

  186. Thanks so much for sharing our photo shoot! We are all so proud of the work we did to spread this message and appreciate all the love this campaign has gotten.

  187. Kathryn Warren

    I cried when I looked at these pictures. I was an older first-time mum, 36 when I had my first baby, and everyone seemed to think I knew what to do, what the right choices were, because I was older and therefore more experienced. But it was still my first baby, whatever my age, and I didn’t have a clue! The parent groups and playgroups I attended with my daughter were so hard, it seemed to be a competition, one-upmanship all the time – whose baby was potty-training, who listened to Mozart with their kids, who made all their own baby food… it was exhausting and depressing. I felt a complete failure for so long. My eldest daughter has just turned 14, and is a quirky, healthy, bright and enquiring child – so maybe I didn’t mess up too badly!

  188. This is beautiful and made me well up. We’re all just doing our best and ultimately all just want our kids to be happy and healthy. There’s no strict or straight path to get there. Well done!

  189. Elaine Gravatte

    Absolutely perfect !

  190. Megan Hutchinson

    I love this so much. It makes me so happy that others are battling the same war, when we really shouldn’t be. My kids were extremely large babies always off the charts, I would get comments like “your baby is fat that is so unhealthy for them,” but both are back on the charts and shedding that adorable chub they had. My kids are also 17 months apart, yes we thought it would happen right away but we were so excited when we found out our kids were going to be really close in age. Now they are best friends and are learning important skills like sharing, no hitting at a very early age.
    Thank you so much for this post.
    Megan Hutchinson
    Norfolk, VA

  191. katie

    Not only have I felt tension or been told by other moms to ‘let go’ of my feelings and just be happy in my post partum phase, but I have become my own worse enemy in comparing myself to other moms and feeling ad though I have to live up to some standard that is hard for me to reach. This is so helpful!

  192. Ann Gramm

    I am so happy to see this campaign! My daughter is now 26 yrs. old and I feel like I’ve been suffering from PTSD since she was born due to years of being jugded the way I raised her: wanting to stay home, and then only wanting to work part-time. When I wanted to go back to work, women pushed me to get a college degree because I was told my skill were outdated & no one would hire me. Heck, I lost skills trying to get a degree – which I gave up on, because younger women were being hired in the fields I wanted to go in. I am now 54 yrs. old and feel like a nobody!

  193. Ashley

    I’ve been saying this for years! Thanks for such a wonderful message! We are in this together, with the same goals – who cares if our paths are different?

  194. I loved this.. everybody who has kids do things differently, and to them it’s the right way! However the judgement that is past back and forth even if it’s unintended is not nice… now we can get together instead and tell them I’m glad that works for u and your baby=)

  195. Jennie G.

    I like this. I became a mom when my 12 year old stepson came to live with us. He is in college now but one thing my oldest sister told me is “fight the right battles”. So when he got suspended from school for fighting I asked him why he got in a fight. He said because another guy was bullying his friend. I said good for you and he didn’t get any more punishment from us. Other mothers and the school staff said I should have “grounded” him for a month.

  196. Rosalie Bossart

    Mothers are born with innate wisdom for their children the hard part is the culture one is in can create anti motherhood ideals. We are not a village we are on our own so this net working can be very healing. Creating a new person is an unmatched accomplishment. Mothers know what is right for them and their children and there is enough evidence to show what choices can be more beneficial than the ads and Hollywood images. I had five children and a woman asked if I worked meaning outside the home is an excellent example of downplaying motherhood. Even men think we should be it all–mother housekeeper moviestar and sex ready.

  197. Kristina

    This is a great campaign by all means, however I don’t want some women to get the wrong message of a “Whatever I choose to do is fine”. Breast feeding is a good example. A lot of women won’t even try to breast feed, although it has numerous benefits for the baby. Some women deserve better knowledge, research and encouragement from fellow moms rather than the simple promise to not judge.

  198. Jayda

    I don’t get it. People make different parenting choices, so be it. We each just need to do what we think is best for our children. I don’t see how holding opposing signs while smiling is ending any war. Ok, you are friends, you still love each other even though you made different choices with raising your children.. Bravo. Be a good friend, be a good woman, but above all, be a good mom. There are choices that are better for our children than other options…. some moms want to spread that word. If you think it’s a war, you are worried your choices aren’t correct. Otherwise, you wouldn’t notice the “battle”.

  199. Diana

    Bravo! Why tear each other apart? But, you know, could maybe a few single or otherwise daddies be included? Sometimes, mommy is a daddy…

  200. Rachel White

    LOVE IT!!! You ladies are awesome and inspiring. This is so important and worthwhile!

  201. Dawnette Bissett

    I think it is a great campaign. If it works for your child then do it. I personally don’t have religion but I have faith, I work outside the home, I breast fed and formula fed. I think this is great. we need more open mindedness and people to not force their beliefs on others. this world would be better of. You GO!! good luck. :)

  202. I LOVE this! I have always said that the judgmental behavior of moms (esp in social media) is ridiculous. Who cares HOW you raise your child, as long as they are healthy and happy? I think I will do a post about this and link to your blog since it inspired it. :)

  203. Anne Simon

    AMEN! There are as many ways to parent as there are parents doing it – Mom, Dad, etc. The important thing is to find what is authentic for you and follow that as much as you can. It is also the case that some parents don’t have as many choices as others, and that must be respected too. RESPECT each others’ choices and needs – everyone needs support doing this awesome and most difficult job.

  204. Sarah

    Wonderful message, ladies!!!! Thank you for sharing!

  205. Now that’s definitely one campaign I would stand behind! Bravo! In this day and age when kids are commiting suicide because they’re being bullied I think it’s important for us as adults and parents to set the example! Wtg ladies! Love it!

  206. Terri Baker

    Love this!!! Either way – a Mom does what she feels is best. Sometimes we have no choice.. Either way we can raise happy, loving, well-rounded children!!

  207. Mom

    I like the campaign. Many of the signs say “I chose…” These women were lucky to have a choice. There are many “mommy war” issues; however, where women don’t have a choice and the judgment is that much more alienating.

  208. Stacy

    I wish this has been more about stopping the woman wars-not just mommy wars. I think there is judgement from moms to those who aren’t mothers and how we spend out time. Or judgement from non mothers to mothers about how they chose to have children young. Women who marry young vs those who wait and focus on career, women who marry vs those who never marry. I think this goes deeper than mommy wars. I think there is a huge opportunity to stop woman-shaming in the married with children vs the single woman realm.

  209. Leilani Monfort

    Where are the women of color? Where are the homeless moms? Where are the moms who don’t feel like they have a choice in what they do but are doing what they need to survive? I honestly don’t believe in the so-called “mommy wars”, but if you want to represent some kind of solidarity it would be nice to actually consider how narrowly class and race focused this is.

  210. Farren Miller

    I love this! I’m the mom that didnt breastfeed, lets my child watch tv not picky about what food she eats and lets her use her imagination and while I dont have any problem with the way other moms raise their kids and never down them, they are the ones to always down what I do! Felt good to read to different opinions on parenting getting along!

  211. Jenny, I just noticed that in your post above, you wrote and linked to another post called, “Do kids need religion?” I am the mother in the above photo shoot who is holding the “My family is not religious” sign. I’d like to share with you and your readers my own take on the topic and what holding that sign meant to me. link to ct-moms.com

  212. MaryBeth

    Amen! Amen! Amen! Thank you, ladies!

  213. Ratchet

    I do agree in supporting other Mom’s. I feel that education is best, that just because a parent does something I disagree with I do not have to unanimously support it. But I can keep my mouth shut and smile unless there is true danger to the child ( I am a mandated reporter) Than live and let live. I think that any parent or guardian can benefit from classes and wish parents would take an infant/toddler class before having children or even simple parenting class. The more you know and all that. No parent/guardian is perfect. I do have a zero tolerance for bullying or pushing your ideas, sharing that’s diff.

  214. Dinosaur mommy

    When I find out someone is newly pregnant for the first time or a new parent no matter how old the new child is I give them this piece of wisdom “everyone is going to give you advice. Just take each piece of advice with a smile. Think about it and choose what works for you.” Between the siblings I grew up with and my sister-in-laws we all have our different opinions and different things that work for each separate kid. Giving parenting advice or pregnancy advice is just one of those things we talk about it. Judging is an automatic response when we don’t agree with something someone says or does. Take a moment before you speak. Smile and say thank you for that information and then if it sounds good to you file it away. If it doesn’t sound good to you let it fly away into the Ether. I try to follow my own advice but sometimes my own filters don’t work so I try to apologize and then start again.

  215. Kate Murray

    Simply wonderful! Great start to my morning!

  216. mw

    Sharon, Jessd, Anne, KJ, and others: Thank you for addressing the constant war on those of us who weren’t blessed to be moms, (in my case I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy, and was unexpectedly widowed 2 months later.)
    I don’t know if women who get to have their family every day think it is cute to act as though women in my situation don’t exist, are deserving of their passive aggressive attempts at bullying, are inferior, or are otherwise to blame for a loss that happened TO them and was out of their control… but that judgement and ostracizing from other women happens EVERY DAY. So yes, there is a lack of women supporting each other, it’s just socially acceptable to do to young widows without children.

    It is bizarre. I want to ask them, (i.e., the ‘mommy as martyr’ crowd; or the people who no longer see me as a person since i became a widow, etc.etc.etc.): Do you get to see the person you chose to spend your life with, (and all the good and bad of that,) every day? Do you get to see your children, (and all the good and bad of that,) every day? That’s not enough, huh? You need to ‘whoopsie’ ‘just HAPPEN to’ complain ‘how hard’ x, y or z is for you…you need to obsess about trivial stuff like this? You need to blather on about ‘women supporting each other’ then behave cruelly to women who would give anything to have your blessings, (or to have had even a moment to say goodbye?)
    Do you get to look at your children and the person you chose to spend your life with? Do you get to love them, fight with them, worry about them, be exasperated by them, believe in them, support them, know that there is someone who believes in you and supports you?
    Are they here? Can you hold them? Are they here to hold you?
    It’s not enough, huh?

    • Thank you for the reminder, mw, that as women we often forget to be grateful and gripe instead. I am so sorry for your losses. You will be in my mind often over the next few days and i will be praying for you. Please let me know if there is any way in particular that i can pray for you.

  217. Mom of 2

    I’m completely shocked that the comments for this article are FILLED WITH MORE SNIPING AND JUDGMENT. Are you kidding me???!? As if we don’t all hate on, snipe at, and judge one another enough in the course of a day. This was a great idea, but people obviously just can’t help themselves. People judge each other’s behaviors, bodies, and choices ALL DAY LONG. Sad, and shameful.

  218. Renee Ghenciu

    This is a great sentiment but I think it is incomplete. If women were confident in their decisions then ”
    Judgment wouldnt be an issue. I think much of the assumed judgment is just that. We allow our imagination to get the best of us and assume that we are being judged because another mother did/does it differently than us. If women cant speak to each other with out resentment or pain welling up, loving each other is honestly moot regarding the mommy wars. A better message would be love yourself to better love everyone. Others opinions of you are none of your business.

    One other thought… would need more support from society in general to make the choices they truly want for their babies and themselves and noto end up with a feeling of failure that then leads to their own self confidence being harmed and then the assumption they’re being judged.

  219. Kate Cortner

    very cool idea! love it.

  220. Love Love Love this!!!! We all love our children and want the very best for them no matter what!! And as long as love exists, we can’t go wrong!

  221. Steve dold

    I think you shouldn’t call people with an opinion “judgemental”,

  222. Molly

    Of course, there are hot button issues that were left out here (circumcision, vaxing, etc.). I don’t believe that they were trying to cover every single topic! Apparently, this photo essay has sparked it’s own Mommy War in the comment section.

    Thousands of children in the United States are starved or beaten daily, those parents are bad parents. Giving junior formula or a rare happy meal does not make you a bad parent. Realizing that staying home is not for you does not make you a bad parent. Buying non-organic veggies or using frozen food does not make you a bad parent.

    If half of these women talk to their kids in the condescending manner that they post here, that is bad parenting. Not loving and nurturing your child is bad parenting.

    Our world is getting more complex and crazier by the minute. Let’s lead the way by showing love and compassion. I’m proud of the choices and sacrifices that I’ve made for my kids, but they are not always an option and certainly are not right for everyone. Lead by example and do the best you can! Crunchy Moms and Mainstream Moms unite!

  223. Vickie Koth

    Good for you. Do right, be respectful of others. Well said!

  224. Sandy

    I find the irony of all these comments very amusing. A post that was created to encourage people to stop the mommy wars is full of mommy wars in all of the comments. Sorry Connecticuit Working Moms, it appears your post fell on deaf ears.

  225. It’s wonderf’ul! You can’t POSSIBLY hit ALL the topics in the perfect way – or somebody would post, “Lovely idea, but it got a bit lengthy”, or “Everything is worded so odd. Why’d you make it needlessly complicated?”

    The heart behind it is beautiful. Thank you!

  226. Tracey Sarfas

    What wonderful and unjudgemental comments x

  227. Stepping Up

    I absolutely love this! Although, it’s missing a piece…what about ending the war between moms and stepmoms? There should always be love and understanding there, and all for the benefit of the child.
    :)

  228. Jennifer

    Breastfeeding has too many benefits not to consider it, I mean since we’re all trying to raise healthy kids…

  229. donna

    this goes to show that there are so many different oppinions on raising children,as long as the child is loved,cared for with all needs covered and not neglected or abused in any way,then the parenting is a thumbs up

  230. Jennifer

    Lele, I don’t even know if you’ll see this post….but when someone starts out by saying “I’m not trying to be rude, but…” It’s usually because you know you’re going to be rude. Your not a Mother so why even comment here? You’re clearly confused. These Mommy Wars are NOT about trying to find “Validation”. The wars between Mothers are due to our own confidence in what we choose to do for our children and then expecting everyone else to do the same. You’re comment was downright B. I. T. C. H. Y.

  231. It would be so nice if we could address even more judgmental issues so deeply rooted in contemporary society the way these ladies did it. Putting out clear positive message gently and thoughtfully always counts. Thank you!

  232. Misty

    I agree and think this is a beautiful campaign – I do have one exception. Cloth vs. disposable diapers. I understand many low income mothers dont have a washing machine and many daycares do not allow parents to use them however as a society they are one of the largest contributors to landfill waste. You are not being responsible, if you opt for disposable and have the means (to cover the up front costs and the additional washing they require), to the future generations, beginning with your children.
    All the other choices listed here are personal, and do not affect me or my children, therefore I can support either side, however the waste produced by disposable diapers is shameful, not to mention all the resources being stripped from a planet that is already tapped out to produce these thousands and thousands of diapers a month.

  233. Jennifer

    Good work! Women need to support one another and not criticize so often. All choices are made after huge consideration when you’re a mother. Thanks for putting this out there! I love it.

  234. JHK

    I think this is wonderful! I am a mommy and I also work. I now have what I think is the best of both worlds because I work full time at home. My child does go to day care because I think he gets to have a variety of experiences and gains valuable social skills that he would not get staying home with me, but when he comes home from school I am able to spend extra time with him because I don’t have a commute.

    But when I did work in an office I was always grateful that I worked with almost all men because women are brutal to one another, particularly in the workplace. We need to empower all women by supporting one another – it goes beyond the mommy world to that of the entire gender.

  235. Silvana Padron

    To me, the most important is nutrition, breast feedind and eating right.The other relevant one would be being able to raise your kids yourselves .

  236. Donna Crane

    Good job ladies. I agree.

  237. KB

    I can’t express enough how awesome this message is! Thank You. I remember reading a comment in a magazine about how unfortunate it is that a Mom who had a C-Section will never quite have the same bond with her children that a Mom who had a natural birth does. It made me feel aweful.

  238. How about something about vaccinations? I hear very little honest discussion between the two sides, but lots of assumptions and type-casting from both sides.

  239. Rational Observer

    Please mothers, use empirical evidence when considering these choices. Studies have been done as to which is better in almost all of these comparisons.

  240. Chantel

    This campaign is Awesome because as a Mom of 2 girls and 1 boy whom stays home,I often feel judged even when it may not be the case. I am a firm believer you can’t tell someone else how to raise their child/ren bc what works for you may not work for them. The most important thing is that we support one another as mom’s and that the kids are Happy & Healty!!! MoMs Rock

  241. Kenia Noble

    Totally love the campaign. It is incredible the pressure we put on ourselves as mothers and if wasn’t enough we put pressure on other mothers. I think it comes from our own insecurities and sometimes we lack the means and time to provide to our children, so we feel guilty and latch out on other mothers. Beautiful campaign ladies

  242. Mahalie Mathews

    I love it! This is what makes us Americans! Live and let live, diversity makes us Americans.

  243. I love this – thank you for sharing this message! It’s so natural to look around and think everyone needs to do it ‘your’ way. Somehow our children survive in spite of _______ (you fill in the blank)!!! No one has it all down perfect. Parenting is a journey, not a destination.

  244. Natasha Mikulic

    You guys are amazing for doing this. No matter your choices you still love your children and raise them happy and healthy. Not judging others is very important in a world filled with bullying.

  245. SKBM

    I appreciate the sentiment but some of those issues are clearly medically documented to be bad for children’s health like fast food (obesity & diabetes) Co-sleeping (SIDS risk) scheduled C-Sections (underdeveloped babies) Every mother is entitled to her choices but I think the phrases used should’ve been more well thought out.

    • I’ve often wondered about the C-section risk (even when I was pregnant and my birth plan said natural with a side of no epidural please). How can a baby be underdeveloped if a planned C-section is done at term? To me, now especially after having my “child will never be born naturally scare,” that having a mother and child in hard labor for several hours, at times with mother and/or child in some form of distress, would be more dangerous. Maybe I’m wrong. I would love to have some explanation of the danger of C-sections. Please.

  246. Lisa Marshall

    I love this :) being a parent is the hardest job in the world and being judged for our parenting is not needed or helpful. The only mummy’s that should be violent and abusive ones. We shouldn’t be judged for formula/breastfeeding or being a stay at home/working mum. This is a great campaign xx

  247. Christine

    imo this is stupid. it only becomes a war if YOU let it. people need to be ok with the choices they made. If you are a parents are OK with letting your baby CIO why the hell would you even care what someone thinks?? I FF all my kids and idgaf what anyone says – its all I knew at the time. Its only a “mommy war” cause too many mothers are BUTTHURT at their maybe poor choices.

  248. Sarah

    Love this……..so encouraging to see more love between moms making drastically diiferent choices in how they are raising their children. It really is all about love.

  249. Foliqua

    Anyone who doesn’t breastfeed is a bad parent and should have their children taken away by the state. I breast-fed and my children are the smartest in their classes.

    • Sarah

      Not judgmental at all, are you? Since you do not know every mothers’ situation, you need to shove off. Steve Jobs was adopted and therefore probably not breastfed. In case you’ve missed it, breastfeeding has nothing to do with intelligence. Bless your heart, Ms. Foliqua, it’s people like you that perpetuate the mommy wars.

    • Laura

      My milk never came in. Was I supposed to let my baby starve?

    • Sara

      As controversial as it may be to agree, I feel inclined to side with Foliqua because of her strength of conviction in what she is saying. And what Shawna says is right. Since when does women speaking loud & proud have to be looked down on? I understand the desire for acceptance and unity in our cultures and lives… and I agree that it is an honorable aim. I do not agree however that ignoring the importance of breastfeeding and natural birth is a healthy trend in this culture, and unfortunately, breastfeeding mothers are a minority. This is a sad truth in our country, when it facilitates such important bonding between a mother and child that forms the basis for how they bond and connect with the entire planet. It’s not to say they will not be able to form bonds with others as they age… but what of that truly deep, cosmic connection we all experience in all of life….? Any breastfeeding mother will tell you: When you are nursing your child, you are both one with the cosmos. To fail to provide this for your child……. wow. Not sure I want to live in a world where that is commonplace, and sadly… many of us do.

      • “One with the cosmos?” Like the alcoholic drink? I breastfed exclusively for three weeks (even though my son never really latched on and this frustration didn’t help my postpartum depression) until such point that I had realized that my nipples were bleeding and sending not only colostrum and milk but also my blood into my son’s mouth. After my nipples healed to the point of not bleeding I pumped exclusively for three weeks. While waiting to heal so that I didn’t send BLOOD down my son’s gullet was I supposed to let him starve? Really? Are you reading what you are typing? And at six weeks when I dried completely up? Was I supposed to stop feeding my son completely at that point and just let him die? And, oh, by the way, there was no groovy cosmic feeling during any of my breastfeeding experience. A lot of crying (on both of our behalves), a lot of worry (on my behalf), a lot of depression and guilt because I was a failure as a mother since it wasn’t this beautiful cosmic experience. Really people. Read what you type before you post.

    • Laura

      Some women aren’t capable of breastfeeding. Should they be forbidden from having children? Although breastfeeding has proven benefits, there are some situations where it simply is not the best option.

  250. This is campaign is truly inspiring. My friends and I wish for something like this regularly and I cried joyfully looking at the pictures. I believe we can be civil and still disagree, even if it’s a work in progress for most of us. At least we all agree that being a mom can be the greatest blessing of our lives!

  251. Bonnie

    To each his own in all things. We are the products of our environment, education and up bringing and we have the right to choose how we will express them. So long as our children are happy, healthy accepting of others differences, productive members of our society, non-judge mental and willing to see the value in difference then we as mothers have done our job. We are not mothers to create carbon copies of ourselves but to nurture the independent spirit of the tiny spec of humanity we are gifted with until it assumes the place it was born to fill.

  252. Amanda Lane-Elmgren

    Awesome….. Should have a photo about vaccinating and not vaccinating that is a HUGE war.

  253. Matt Korolden

    Nice idea. I’m not sure when it became fashionable to be intolerant of the reasonable choices of others. I hope this will create a “tipping point” in cultural attitudes.

  254. Sania

    Amazing & well out-together:)
    Child-rearing is very important topic for me I.e. Healthy Eating habits, discipline and good behavior.

  255. Sophie Jonas-Hill

    Hi – I’m training to be an antenatal practitioner in the UK and I would love to buy or have permission to reproduce a set of these photographs, would that be possible?

    Thanks

  256. Josie P

    I think women need to start being more respectful to each other in general. I find that some are too competitive about every thing they do or have. As long as we are not harming the children it really doesn’t matter that we do things differently. It’s nice to hear about different parenting styles because you never know when you might try something different. When I had my fist I wouldn’t co-sleep. I spent countless hours every night trying to settle him down. My cousin suggested I try putting him in bed with me and bf him to sleep…we were both more rested from that day fwd. But that doesn’t mean that I would judge another mother for not co-sleeping. To each his own! I love getting out and talking to other moms. We can really learn from each other if we stop judging. What I have been criticized for in the past is my decision to continue working and leaving my children with my parents. “Kids need their mom not material things or vacations.” It’s great that some people are able to stay home (something that I would love to do if I could) but sadly it’s not something that we can afford to do. Great job on this campaign ladies I really hope it helps to change the attitudes of some who seem to feel empowered by making others feel small!!!

  257. Jill Deferville

    This is beautiful… Today mothering is filled with guilt, about everything! Social media makes you feel as though you are never doing enough or never doing it right. I support this campaign 110%

  258. Kristine

    Women are powerful.when we celebrate and learn from each others differences rather than judge,we become even more so.

  259. Could not agree more. My theory is: a child with a happy mommy is a happy child.

  260. Love this! It is sad that moms really can get judgmental (myself included at times.) Thanks for the kick in the rear that I needed.

  261. JC

    Bravo! All of these were important to me… and I always thought sharing and conversing would somehow help me sort some of those emotions, but clearly it made it worst. One is not better than the other, but surely feelings and well being do end up getting the shorter fall. I love the new motto, definitely harder for a first time mom, but now that I have two… I get it!

  262. This is awesome! I can relate to at least one of the cards in every slide. I am with you ladies with stopping the War Against Moms. It’s ridiculous when we all want the same end result (Raising Wonderful Citizens of the world) we are all just doing it the way that works for our family. Always hated to see one mom tare down another! I’m into spreading the love and that’s what I am also teaching my son.

    Sincerely,
    A stay at home mom of an only child, who breastfed, scheduled her C-Section, was ready to return to work, suffered with postpartum depression, just lost the baby weight (4yrs later), raises her child with religion, Co-sleeps, lets him have occasional fast food, lets him cry it out but still loves him more than anything in the world.

  263. Becky A

    Totally agree. As long as the child grows up healthy and supported.

  264. as long as your children are happy and healthy and reasonably well behaved no one should care how your children are raised. stop the ridiculousness ladies and just have fun

  265. I’m blow away! Love seeing opposites right next to each other. Thank you for sharing this!

    ~Emily

  266. Dawn Thomas

    Beautiful! I love how they use the words “I chose…” As mothers (&fathers), we have the right to choose how to raise our children how we see fit and in the ways that we feel are best for OUR children. There are too many judgements about other parents and a term “other mothering” is too often joked about when in truth it can cause parents to question themselves and feel less sure of their choices. Don’t other mother, share advice if you feel it will benefit, but never force your opinions or ways onto someone else.

  267. ♥myson

    You forgot to mention vaccinating

  268. I can’t even believe this stuff is still going on. This judgemental stuff is ridiculous! What’s wrong with us women that we have to make everything a sport competition? I breastfed my baby…TOUCHDOWN! I only feed organic. HOMERUN!!

  269. Barbara Flynn

    Moms are awesome. Each of us does it a little different. If we had to go back and do it again, we’d probably do some things the same and others differently. We would still make mistakes. We would still love our kids.
    This campaign is a great idea!

  270. Vicki

    I had no clue moms were out there ridiculing and judging each other. that is crazy. I am a working mom, 2 great daughters, wonderful marriage. I would not dream of criticizing my friends because of thier parenting choices, that is crazy. i don’t live thier lives for have thier values – when would i have time to be an expert on them when i am still working on myself!!
    I see motherhood as a gift and not one to be taken lightly. and to not encourage and listen to my friends and love their children is not an option.

    I want to show my kids what a wonderful life they have and all the opprotunities they can strive for and things they can do. Not teach them to criticize thier peers for making choices that no one has business critcizing them for.

    this is ridiculous. i am sorry to all the moms who have been hurt, not everyone out there is going to make fun or admonish you for your decisions in your and your childrens life.

  271. jocelyn

    the mommy war i would like to see stopped is the war on age of the mother not all young moms are bad ones or unintelligent or in a bad spot some are married and hold good jobs and a good education.

  272. Mother Teresa

    Wow, a war on moms differential parenting? must be serious! glad we have moms spending every minute they can to make people aware of such an abomination.
    a Ukranian girl was raised by wolves. get off the computer, stop protesting and get back to your children. Their opinion should matter more than another moms.

  273. sarah

    Could not have said or put it better than that! Motherhood is loving and doing your best, whatever that looks like for each and every different family there is out there. Love and encouragement is what moms should give other moms.

  274. Fara

    It was not my choice to have a cection! I am lucky and blessed to have my son. Most people don’t get that luxury of a “CHOICE” Thats just wrong what you are saying!

  275. Anita

    Guilty as charged. I have worked with mothers and babies for over 15 years, and still find myself imposing my values on the women I work with. Not overtly, of course, but the judgements come just the same. You would think that after all this time I would know better, but strongly-held beliefs don’t leave easily. This is an excellent campaign and a personal reminder that women should be free to make their own choices. So this is me: I had 3 children, because I was an only child and I hated it. I had postpartum depression with all three (because my husband was such a disappointment to me) but it was the worst with my third, and it (among other things) ruined my marriage. My eldest is 27 and I am still trying to lose the baby weight. I tried cloth diapers with my second, but it didn’t work out. I fed my children healthy food as much as I could, and fed them junk food and fast food when I had to. I tried as a new parent to let my baby cry it out, but I JUST COULDN’T, and became a baby wearer. I stayed home with the first two, but took a part-time job with the third, which evolved into a better job and eventually gave me the self-esteem and the sanity to leave my sucky marriage. I slept with all of my children while encouraging sleep in their own beds, and found I got a better night’s sleep for it. I was already a religious cynic by the time I had kids, but raised them with a sense of spirituality. For convenience’s sake, we call this universal energy God, or the Creator. I breastfed my three children for a total of nine years, and still regret the weaning. I had three natural births in hospital, because I have a fear of paralysis and there were already two wheelchair-bound women in my family. So this is where MY beliefs come from. And I will strive to judge not, lest I be judged.

  276. gabrielle

    i think there is a big difference between trying and not being able to do something and not trying at all. i have a hard time believe any mom would look down on someone who had an emergency c-section or simply could not produce milk, or their child had a condition in which made it impossible for them to breastfeed. i don’t see how someone who look down on someone that although they love their child they still suffered postpartum depression.
    there are things we as mother’s have no power over but the things we do have power over , those decisions are the most important. there is clear evidence that proves breast is best, vaginal birth is better for baby and mom, that cloth diapers are not only more economical but also safer for the child and environment… these things are UNDENIABLE. so to say proudly that you chose not do whats best or better is ridiculous. it’s not judgement it’s just fact.
    i was unable to breastfeed my second son because he was born with a cleft, i pumped until my nipple fell off (literally), ya i could have just gave him formula, but you know what? that wasn’t best for him. i don’t use cloth diapers, and i know it’s better but i just dont have the energy to start all that with so many little guys in cloth diapers but i admire the women who do it. i think it’s great and i applaud their efforts.

    how about instead of saying “don’t judge me for CHOOSING (i emphasize CHOOSING because i don’t mean in instances where it was out of the parents’ control) not to do what’s best” how about we applaud the women, that even in not ideal circumstances, stick with the sometimes harder but better choice? are we adopting the idea that everyone is winner? everyone gets a medal? not everyone who can get pregnant and deliver a child is a stellar parent.

    • What about those who, as previous posters have mentioned, have panic attacks because of a previous trauma? Would you say it is their “choice” not to breast feed? Or me now for being terrified of relying on a vaginal birth? As my child would not have been born at all vaginally. And part of me really doesn’t want to run the risk of both of us dying when a planned to-term C-section is possible?

  277. Shana Snyder

    LOVE THE PICs. Should do one for vaccinations

  278. Anna Meredith

    Wonderful idea and greatly needed! We need to help and support other moms not make them feel bad.

    Anna

  279. Shawna

    I don’t get how a picture of a couple smiling women saying they did opposite things does anything to stop “judging”. Are they expecting people to look at these photos and say, “Oh, wow, a couple women with opposite views are smiling in the same room. They must love more and judge less. I wish I could smile in the same room as people with opposite views, therefore I shall stop judging.”

    I may be wrong, but it seems that these photos are trying to make the statement that all views and methods are equal, and just a matter of preference. Nothing could be further from the truth. Most parents who choose more natural or holistic methods do so because they believe them to be healthier and safer. Why would you not want to tell other parents about something safer or healthier than what they’re doing? And would it not reflect badly on a person’s character if they chose to ignore your advice?

    Your attitude while educating others, and your attitude toward those who disagree are definitely important. That doesn’t change the fact that some choices are better than others, and some have far-reaching consequences. Acceptance is not the way. Humble discussion and education is far more useful in protecting and nurturing the next generation.

    • MommaNiner

      Shawna, the point of these photos is exactly that. Things are not always “equal” in regard to a child’s health specialist for example, but WE as WOMEN and as MOTHERS are equal – our views, ideals, and ways of parenting are looked past and/or embraced – you DO NOT RAGE against a person for what they do or believe in, you embrace differences and therefore embrace equality. If the photos revolved around gender or racial bias/judgement your response above would we far less negative. At least, one would hope.
      Embrace the fact that we are women with a common bond; MOTHERHOOD.

  280. mw

    Ebeth: Thank you. I try to find things to fill the time. Some days I succeed at that. Its often a frantic attempt to fill the time, running from one distraction to another, stealing moments of distraction and joy that way. More days than people would guess, I’m unable find a purpose for being here worth the pain of a life without purpose or hope. I’ve never really talked about my loss a lot. People usually just go silent if I mention I’m a widow when they ask about my family.. I stop trying to reach out about it, then they go back to their lives. And that’s it. Sometimes people who have their families offer judgy platitudes…then go home to their families who are still here. More often people dont do that, but say things that are tough for me anyway: a woman who was around my age at a grief group I went to -once- shared that ‘if she didn’t at least have her kids she would have had no reason to get up in the morning’ after her husband died.
    What no one does: ask me about him. Ask about our life together. Ask me what I miss about him, who he was, what he was like, (good and bad,.) Ask how we met, how we lived, how he died. No one ever asks those things.
    Thank you Ebeth for your offer of prayers, I appreciate your prayers. Please know that although I don’t know you personally, I will keep you and your family in my prayers also.

    • Laura

      Best post on this thread.

      I am so deeply sorry for the losses that you have sustained. Your pain must be unbearable at times. I hope that you have many joyful memories with your husband, and that you are able to find comfort in those who love you and knew him. I hope that you are able to find peace in your heart at some point about the loss of your sweet baby. Know that your baby will always be your baby…miscarriage is often so badly misunderstood.

      Know of my prayers for you as well. Peace, my friend.

  281. Amy

    Thank you lovely ladies for shedding light on this sad reality that I was a part of and took part in. I am soo glad my gfs and I are working to love one another and no longer engage in these mommy wars. You ladies rock for your honesty, love, and courage to stand! :-)

  282. Melissa

    I love the photos and the intent of the message cards!

    I have one to add: Single Moms and Married Moms. I may be projecting my own insecurity; but I do sometimes feel judged or that I have to defend myself for being a single mom.

  283. Megan

    Ummm, how about “Let’s love more and judge ALL WOMEN less,” not just “mommies.” Where is the part about women who choose not to have children at all or have chosen to be stepparents (which is REALLY hard, btw) and have no biological children? Where’s THAT conversation? Way to totally negate your whole point. Oh, but you were only talking about moms judging other moms? Exactly my point. You completely leave out the concept that women IN GENERAL need to judge less. Where’s the photo of the woman who says, “I chose not to have children” or “I became a loving stepparent instead?” This is precisely why women can’t band together. Because everyone is always judging even when they say they aren’t.

  284. JUSTsaying...

    FOLIQUA…of all 360 comments left here (and I’ve read every single one) yours is by far the most condescending, sanctimonious & ignorant of all. What a wonderful person you must be!

  285. Josie

    Sometimes when I tell people my plans or ideas about how I am thinking of raising my kids and they kinda look at me like I am crazy. I haven’t even started to raise a family and I feel judged (even by my own family). Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses and I choose what will work best for me and my husband. I expect others to choose to do the things that will best fit their feelings and life style and it’s okay if it is different. I just wish people wouldn’t roll their eyes, snicker, or give me the silent treatment when I answer their questions about my plans.

  286. I love this ,I think it’s important that Moms support and befriend each other, and also support each others different parenting styles, each child is different each mother is different,and we all know kids don’t come with a handbook,and its a tough job.So I’m all for this Stop the Mommy Wars!!

  287. Diane Tortorello

    I love this. As a mom who started later in life (had my daughter at 40), I often feel that I’m not doing enough or the right thing. Then I look into the eyes of the best thing I ever created (with help of my hubby, LOL) and feel better. I love this campaign. It gives me the reassurance I need at times.

  288. Deahn

    That is incredibly encouraging! Women wanting to just accept each other and no Judgement. What a profound goal. Allowing others to make their own mistakes…choices and supporting each other. The only place I have ever experienced this was in Alcoholics Anonymous and it’s beautiful and very attainable. Hugs

  289. Craig Druitt

    I’m a widowed father of two, raising them alone since 2003 (when they were 5&8). We all want the best for our kids and need support just to raise them. This group of photos and feelings is all about supporting each other in our difficult choices. I love it!

  290. Sarah

    I think this campaign could be expanded to include the variety of choices mom’s made in how to become mothers, how many children to have, and other such things. I think campaign is just a start.

    There are many ways we judge each other as women. This campaign is amazing, and obviously could be done on a wider scale.

    Love this campaign. Need more understanding, and less judging.

  291. Danielle Rynne

    HOW AWESOME THIS IS. Too many times we as women are being judged for the choices that we make as mom’s We should all be embracing each other

  292. kitty

    Well you can’t truthfully say you’re “raising healthy children” when you’re feeding them fast food…..it’s just not factually correct.

    • Chris

      Depending on what you eat at a fast food restaurant, you can eat healthy. A guy lost 37 pounds eating only McDonald’s. Most parents I know that give their kids fast food, only do it once and awhile. It doesn’t have a bad affect on them. My parents did it with me.

      link to sploid.gizmodo.com

    • Chik fil a salad (with grilled chicken) versus a box of mac-n-cheese. I’ve been guilty of both, but labeling all fast food as inherently evil is like saying all home cooked food is inherently healthy. I freely admit to buying healthy fast food and serving home cooked unhealthy food (the other night’s frito pie, as an example).

  293. Alison

    Leave it to a bunch of women to pick this apart. “They are all white”, “what about vaccinations”, “adoption”, “step-parenting”. Some of the comments left are ridiculous. Make one yourself and add your own personal life story, it’s not their job to add every single possible scenario.

  294. why Mommy wars in the first place. why compare yourself to any other Mommy, we never did, (our generation) I never heard at work, at home, at TOPS meetings, well I do this and I didn’t give my kid a pacifier or, I breast fed, or gave them formula (in any Judging way, and most of the TIME these things were Never discussed) It’s your individual business whether your baby sleeps with you, let him/her cry it out, or take him/her for a walk in the stroller. WHATEVER, STOP IT!!! Do any of these women think “free agency” my choice, my kid, not your kid??

  295. Cheryl Sharkey

    Thank you all so very much

  296. Tammy

    This could extend to grandmothers as well! It is important to support the decisions our daughters and sons make about how to raise their children (our precious grandchildren!).

  297. So refreshing! thank you. As for me, I work part-time outside the home/part-time in the home, breastfed and did formula, did disposable and cloth….Unitarian… Need I say more!
    Thank you for he insight!
    Deanna

  298. Amy

    I love this!

    You are missing one group that are also victims of the MOMMMY WARS…
    I CHOOSE to not have children

  299. maryrose

    This is great, I honestly thought I was the only one being judged for being young and not ready. You have my support!

  300. This is awesome! It’s so hard not to get opinionated about how you raise your kids. But it is also nice to put a face with a parenting style that you don’t agree with and realize that we’re all humans doing our very best to raise the kids we love.

  301. Patti Gunn

    Love this! We have enough mom guilt without the judgment of others. I am definitely more apt to listen and learn from other moms when info is given in love and comradery than in judgement.

  302. Sara

    Some of this I do love, however the bits about breastfeeding and birthing at home or not at home… feels spineless to see included. Women who are fearless in their births, who eschew “modern” technologies in favor of natural methods despite the pressures of society AND doctors….. do not deserve to be lumped with women who choose to flow with the pressures of conventional society without truly LOOKING and seeking to discover something beyond. I know that some people are just here, living, without concern for the deeper value of these ancient practices (natural birth, breastfeeding)… but there is a true wisdom in them that is IGNORED by mainstream society to a large degree and this saddens me!!

    I chose to birth my son at home, naturally, and as such had a very smooth birth because I was RELAXED! I was at home in my own environment! He was born into a peaceful sanctuary and held with loving care by the environment AND the people there to welcome him. The lights were low, it was so gentle and beautiful…. I could not encapsulate this well enough to communicate the value of such an experience as a first imprint on this pure soul that is entering the world. WOW!

    It is no mistake that our bonding went smoothly… and we STRUGGLED to get breastfeeding right at first with latch issues but I PESERVERED! My son is among the healthiest of his peers, and is phenomenally well-tempered, easy-going, and I have NEVER experienced post-partum issues…. Do you think this is an accident?!?!? I hate hearing women say “Oh you’re so lucky”. I am far from lucky. I am smart, and wise, and have made choices based on MY inner wisdom DESPITE what the doctors or anyone else could have said to me…

    It’s a lot more complex than this article makes it seem. I only hope and pray that birth wisdom returns in this country. We do c-sections like it’s in-fashion, when 2% of births in this country are deemed “medically necessary” of such invasive, unnatural methods that result in major lung issues for kids because they don’t get the right compression to squeeze out amniotic fluid and pump their blood helping prime them for life….

    Clearly I could go on. Wish we could elevate these all-important subjects of natural homebirth and breastfeeding in popular forums and stop trying to white-wash it out of existence.

    • Charlene

      Sara, that is great that you undertook the choice that was the best for you. It is not best for everyone and that is what we need to recognize. My situation was very different from yours and I am at peace with that decision. In fact, I agree that all types of birthing options should be part of a pregnant woman’s education as you suggest.
      There are two things that upset me about your statement . By saying that you were “smart” and “wise” to do what you did, you imply that everyone else is stupid for not listening to Your inner wisdom, thereby setting yourself above other mothers.
      Then you go on to humble-brag about your child, implying that only those choices could have made him like that.
      That is what makes the Mommy Wars happen and makes women feel bad. Your words are not empowering and they could have been informative and helpful.

    • Janeen

      I’m totally with you on what you’ve done for your and your family and your wishes for others to know. but your WORDS…they are not helpful, they are condescending.

  303. Jodi

    What a GREAT Article!!!! Excellent points made!!! The only thing I noticed missing was choosing to vaccinate or not vaccinate. I know I have judged others, and this article nailed it. We are all different. We do not have to do it the same, different is not wrong. As long as moms are making educated decisions, and choosing what is best for them, that is all that matters.

  304. M.D. Jackson

    i thought this was a different article.. i thought this was about women with children bashing women without children. Can you add that to the list? Because that is just as judgemental and passive aggressive as the other things mentioned.

    Thanks!

  305. Tuesday Sanders

    I think this is an awesome campaign, such a good idea to help all moms feel comfortable with their personal child rearing decisions. Having a new baby is confusing enough without being made to feel judged.

  306. Happiness is what it’s all about, Having confidence with choices we make for our family, and being happy for Other’s we need LOVE in Society!

  307. Not all the “choices” they mention are healthy. That is the issue. Some of those are true parenting choices, others are proven damaging through practical and scientific info. It never hurts to research, learn, and make changes where needed.

  308. Donna

    I guess I’m the mother of a child too old for these kinds of discussions. When I had her, the internet was barely beginning and I didn’t have time to worry if breastfeeding would offend someone (couldn’t have cared less anyway) and was putting her in daycare the wrong decision. Also, there was (for a very long time) the co-sleeping issue, correctly termed ‘sharing the family bed.’ Oh sure I started talking about that, but by then she was 5, out of diapers and in Kindergarten, and most of the other issues were not even an issue for me to discuss with complete strangers. I’m glad the internet wasn’t around when she was an infant. I’m afraid I might have come away feeling like a failure. And now, I don’t care!

  309. Therese Sipes

    Thank you for encouraging cohesion among women, among mothers. Being a good Mom really isn’t about being vegan or Lutheran or Pro-Firearm, it’s about loving our kids and trying to do our very best for our families. Thank you for promoting that common goal.

  310. Leaann

    Read less social media and you will feel less stressed about all of this.

  311. Rosella

    Great idea!! Thank you wonderful moms!!

  312. Rosa

    ❤️This .. Just wonderful ❤️

  313. Amy

    I’d love to see the funny ones that say, “Sometimes, I’m a fashion plate mom. Today, not so much!” or “Sometimes, my house is clean. Today, not so much. Tomorrow, maybe?”

  314. Leslie

    I love this! Moms (parents) have so so many choices they have to make on a daily basis, and so many reasons for making the choices they make. Let’s just support them in doing the very best they can with their children!

  315. Karen

    What about women like me who can’t have children? A lot of moms act like they are superior because they raise children. I’m happy for women that get babies, but in today’s world I feel like people think having babies is all women are good for. What’s the value for the rest of us?

    But I love the message you’re sending about choice! No matter how you have, feed or raise your children is your choice and your baby will be just find! Don’t give in to bullying and peer pressure and do what’s best for you!

  316. Jacqueline

    One day I would like to see ‘End the Sister Wars’, so that I and other childless women can be recognised as part of legitimate womanhood; belong in society as worthwhile contributors; and maybe get to see our friends’ children grow up by means other than Facebook. Sadly I cannot imagine that day.

  317. As a brand new Mommy, I love, love, love this!! All Moms are simply amazing!!

  318. emily lavis

    Love it! You chose to carry life inside you.. be blessed!

  319. Danielle C

    I get that it is important not to judge and to LOVE (this is most of all). Yet, not talking about it will just lead to more ignorance. Every mom needs wisdom to raise healthy kids…it doesn’t just happen!!! God forbid ppl talk about things to find better solutions :(

  320. Andy Buchanan

    On photo 2, with the captions “I lost all my pregnancy weight” and “I’m still working on losing the baby weight”, there is still an implication that a) you should be able to lose it and b) that you should care about doing so.

    Where options 3? “I haven’t lost any of my baby weight and I don’t give a s***”?

  321. CAROL KLINEFELTER

    I love this!!! I always think that we, as women/ mothers, should celebrate and support each other and our decisions. We are judged by whether we breast feed or bottle feed, work or stay at home, what we feed our children, etc… I remember many years ago, my 9 year old was just a baby, we were in the parking lot of A.C. Moore. I was changing her diaper in the back seat. When I came out, I had a mother come up to me and say how wonderful she felt that someone else breast fed and she felt so judged for breast feeding. I listened to her and agreed with her, yet I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I was just changing my daughter’s diaper and I bottle fed. But I couldn’t have agreed more. We are judged by so many of the ways we are raising our kids but in the end result, we are all different and need to be united and support each other. :-)

  322. Alli

    I absolutely love this. Not just choices but experiences. I found that I couldn’t share my positive experiences because it was offensive to people who had a negative experience. It meant this was easy for me so I just didn’t share. Thank you!

  323. Michelle Fowler

    I think that this is an awesome idea! We all have to same goal- to raise a happy healthy children. Children that become happy, healthy, successful, productive members of society as adults. We lead by example. Children learn what they see. I think women should stick together in all aspects of life. Not only with children. We are women! We are beautiful! We are smart! We are strong! Together we could do anything.

  324. Are those the issues that really feed the mommy wars? I think those are HUGE triggers for debate but I would throw out the concept that what would be considered the peal harbor of this war is working moms verses stay at home moms. If EVERY woman who chooses to have children also chose to raise that child until the child was able to drive themselves to piano, these topics would be discussed and debated; the reason they become a “take this hill” land mine is because they are the proverbial straw. The stay at home mom, heading up the car pool, driving to dance practice, dropping off after football, picking up neighbor kids sick from school, because the working mom can’t get away, push the “love they neighbor”rule to the point that finally, one day, the stay at home mom, claws her way to the top of the heap of exhausted, sweat pants clad moms and demands a voice! “I’m not driving your kid anywhere anymore, if you want your kid in ballet, make it happen yourself! Oh, and by the way, I choose to sleep with my breast fed baby because I put their needs before a big presentation in the morning?” See how that happens? Like everything that causes dissent in women, everything that pits one woman against another, it’s fueled by exhaustion and putting other’s needs before their own. I respect any choice a woman makes for her life path as long as everyone understands that free agency does not negate consequences.

  325. Lisa Rector

    This one is true for me: It took me six months to love my first child. Vs. It was love at first sight when they placed my baby in my arms. It seriously took me six months. I was so angry at that child when she came out that I didn’t even want to look at her. I just listened to hear the cry to know she was alright. Didn’t lift my head. I had horrible depression while I was pregnant due to the hormones, and my body was held hostage for nine long months and I gained 65 pounds. But I do love my daughter. Did I mention she broke my tailbone on the way out? Our experiences are all different, we can not judge.

  326. Having had four children, I have to say I’ve tried and done it all. It really comes down to what works best for your family and only you know the answers to that. No one from the outside looking in can tell you what’s best for you and your kids…Not even your own Mother! That’s why God made us all different and unique, so we can all individually add something interesting to the world we all live in.

  327. Michele McCormick

    Ok, so if what I am hearing is true, kids who are breastfed are smarter than those that are not? Thats real strange because I breastfed my daughter, who is smart. I could not breastfeed my son because I had some problems and he is far more intelligent than my daughter – so I find it incredibly hard to believe that it is true. Every single day another report comes about about how something that we thought was good was bad and vice versa, so as long as you love your kids and do what you think is best, then you are a good parent no matter what any other mother says to you.

    • Sally

      I work with a dr. Who is the head of neonatology and he was bottle fed? We were at a conference where they were telling us about higher IQs with breast feeding. He stood up! Stated his profession and stated he to offense to that statement! It was great!

    • And, at what point is it necessary for you to breastfeed to produce “smart” and “naturally inoculated” children? My son had my milk for six weeks. Some say once the child receives the colostrum, he’s good to go. Some say you need to breastfeed to 3 years to get the full effect. Another point to mention: whatever birth control pill they put you on when breastfeeding (to make sure your milk doesn’t stop) is known to cause psychosis. Hmmm. I took it as long as I could (until the milk gave out), but then I had to return to my previous pill thank-you-very-much. I agree breast is best (even now after my breast feeding horror story). But you know what? Second time around I will try to breastfeed. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, I will pump as long as the milk holds out (or until the colostrum is gone which ever makes the most sense for my child). And then, unlike with my first child beating myself up over guilt for something that more than likely I couldn’t help, I will not let this “failure” fail me as a parent and become even more depressed.

  328. Pingback: Lady Links 1.24

  329. TJ

    Good try, really. Their hearts are definitely in the right place, but you are never going to eradicate people who just think their way is the RIGHT way. Some of the comments here are mind-blowing – I had a natural birth, but I don’t class people who didn’t as “weak”.

  330. Tired of being caught up....

    Thank you wonderful ladies!!! This is so refreshing. My gfs and I all.seemed to have gotten caught up in our own little mommy wars and to be honest it is SO exhausting and is SO hard. I don’t understand the need to have this competitive parenting approach. There are endless ways to raise a child and really, it doesnt matter at all how its done as long as the child is loved, healthy, and happy. Who are we to judge. Ive finally taken the step back from the mommy wars and simply am no longer choosing to play the games. Since then a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders and i find i have more time to love and play with my Little One and husband as i am no longer wasting my time thinking about what will the other mammas think. SO YES! Absolutely LOVE more JUDGE less!

  331. Emily

    Wow, this is so inspiring! I am a single mom of a 5 year old boy. It wasn’t until recently that I realized I’m doing nothing wrong as a mother. I am only doing my best and what I feel is best for MY child. Without the diversity of every blessed mother in these pictures, we would all be the same. What is a world without diversity? You rock Connecticut moms! I hope that this campaign finds its way into the hearts of every mom out there!

  332. Mama K

    Love the idea behind it…the only problem is we will then be supporting things we don’t agree with for a reason…because they are unhealthy. Giving children fast food and babies formula is so disgusting it should be illegal. And letting ur kid cry it out?! I’m sorry but there is no “reasonable” crying it out. “Your kid is not giving you a hard time, your kid is having a hard time.” Go to them!! Help them!!! They are helpless and rely on you. I give ya credit for wanting to bring peace between moms but u have to remember, we disagree with other mothers because they are ignorant and would benefit from having the information they lack. I agree that mothers could exchange this information more peaceably but it is a necessary exchange, and it’s not going to stop. To call it “mommy wars” actually hurts this discussion more by vilifying it, as well as the mothers, by telling them they are at war with each other. You may be doing more harm than good here ladies…think it through!!

  333. FancyFace

    I find it interesting that an article highlighting a group’s attempt to stop metaphorical wars created somewhat of a war among its readers in this comment section.

  334. Cynthia Leathers

    Good for you! We women are good at coming together and bring in others together. Thanks for showing us the way.

  335. From the looks of the comments these “wars” aren’t stopping anytime soon. Nice try though!

  336. Denise Berard

    I love this. Im like right in the middle. I run a home based Daycare so I was a stay at home mommy but with a full time job. Before I had my kids I worked in a clinic in the radiology department for 6 years. My husband was a truck driver for an environment company so he was a weekend daddy. I figured I wanted to stay home but could not do it without an income. I decided to start a daycare and now 21 years later I am still doing it. I love it best of both worlds. No its not easy no most days I don’t get a coffee or lunch break but thats ok. Whats not ok is when you tell people what you do, they give you a look like what your a babysitter? No I am a child care provider who provides care for your child/children so you can follow your dream of a career outside of the home and thats ok because I love what I do. So I agree with your add stop judging and just love more… thank you for that

  337. Natalie

    I love all the “I agree with this EXCEPT for _______”. You miss the point entirely. Im against CIO, but I did it with my first before I was informed. I needed information,not judgement. No one is won over by harshness. If you really cared about advocating for your point of view, if you really cared about babies, you wouldnt be harsh.

  338. Misty

    Thank you ladies! This needed to be said!!! Ladies, let’s lift each other up! Each of us is hard enough on ourselves. We need to support each other no matter what each of our personal choices are. Being a mother is hard enough without judgement- let’s empower one another. To mom’s everywhere, here’s to you!

  339. Jessica

    I love this! The comments on here make me very sad though. My son was formula fed and I didn’t have a natural home birth, I had an epidural in the hospital. I tried to breast feed but it didn’t work for me… I cried and cried, tried getting help, paid a breastfeeding specialist to come to my house and help me… nothing worked. And I was being harshly criticized by other moms over it. My son’s pediatrician said to me after one month of trying to breast feed that I was killing myself for no reason. I put him on formula, terrified. And guess what? He’s the healthiest happiest kid ever!! All of the things other moms scared me into thinking could go wrong did not happen!

  340. Jenna

    Um, I would NOT be proudly proclaiming that my child’s diet is mostly fast food. GROSS. Good luck with the diabesity, kiddo.

  341. deena

    Love this article! So true. I am a very laid back mom. I’m active with my son but I have never stressed over his milestones potty training or breastfeeding. To me to each his own I worked full time and it was just me And my husband no family support around. Being a parent is a tough exhausting job at the end of the day all we want our happy healthy kids. And guess what I think all of us on here feel that same way and love our kids unconditionally and that is the most important! Kids feeling loved supported and believed in will take them far. Maybe mommy wars can stop and we can unite in fighting child abuse neglect bully’s in school starving children all over the world. And for step parents and adoptive moms you guys are as much as moms as we all are. Being a mom requires much more than just having a child. Giving birth is easy compared to the long grueling sometimes overwhelming days of raising children. So hats off to you for stepping in when a child needed it. And all children need Mommy’

  342. lydia piper

    It’s all ok except for the religion part.Children need guidance-they need to learn about God and go to Sunday school and church.Ignoring that aspect of their lives is wrong.

  343. My 3 children are in their 20's and 30's. I chose to be a part-time at-home mom. And also a full-time at home mom for several yrs when I got breast CA. So I've had it both ways. And ya know what? Justifying one way over another is a collosal waste of ener

    My 3 children are in their 20′s and 30′s. I chose to be a part-time at-home mom. And also a full-time at home mom for several yrs when I got breast CA. So I’ve had it both ways. And ya know what? Justifying one way over another is a collosal waste of energy and time. Follow your heart. Do what makes the MOST SENSE FOR YOU. no apologies and no regrets. And ladies? Offer support to your friends and co-workers. And stop searching for validation for your choices. Be content. Enjoy. Whatever you choose to do.

  344. Laura Baier

    Because I am very religious I believe that God makes every child unique. Therefore, parenting styles may need to vary even within one family in order to meet each child’s needs. I also believe God calls each Mommy to the life He has for her. He is our provider and He calls us inside or outside of the home. Regardless, it is our job to see to the needs of our child, period. I agree with loving and caring for our sisters in this endeavor.

  345. Felicia

    I think that this is a fantastic idea. I have been in many heated discussions that did not end well because I had to defend what I was doing and how I plan on raising my children. I have 4 now and one on the way. I don’t want to put chemicals in my body to stop pregnancies. If I am meant to have kids then I will have kids. None of them have been planned. All of them have made my life more meaningful. I home-school them even my 3 year old is doing school work while my 8 and 6 year-olds are doing their work. He asks for more work or some if he gets board. We participate in activities outside of the house where there are other kids so they still get the social interaction. Like most home-schooled families that I know.
    I sleep with my babies until they are about 3 months old. I try to breast feed for as long as I have milk flowing. My boobs were created to feed my kids and hey lets look at our wallets……it’s cheaper and healthier for them too. Says doctors, but that is my choice I was not given that opportunity with my first child, she was in the hospital for 3 months and had to be IV fed and Tube fed for up to 2 years old. So I understand both sides and as long as you don’t starve your child your goo,d right?

    Anyway I just wanted to say that it is a good idea to get all of the methods out there so everyone can understand all sides of the spectrum of life with children and babies.

  346. Mommy too

    I think this is great. However,I feel whatever parenting style or methodology one follows, we should all have the confidence to not feel the perceived judgement of others and perhaps open our own minds and learn from each other. The truth is, there is not manual and we can only educate ourselves by reading and listening to other parents experiences and evaluating them against the unique nature of our own child and life challenges to determine what might work as we all know, it ends up as trial and error most of the time. Enjoy your children, enjoy other parents, share thoughts and ideas openly without judgement and stop feeling judged, chances are your not being judged at all.

  347. Pat Lundell

    I raised my babies and am into grandbabies now ! However, what a grand idea to SUPPORT one another! I found myself saying, “Thank you for your suggestion(s), i will give it some thought” … Sometimes less thought than they expected but one can become very tired of the unwelcome unrequested advise heaped upon our young family. I have maintained most women know what will (& will not work for their family. … Yes! We need to be supportive of these decisions, even the mothers, grandmother’s and extended family.

  348. Betty Guajardo

    A great idea! We should practice this and live happier respecting people and their lives. By respecting different opinions, we live in freedom! I really like your campaign. Congratulations!!

  349. deborah

    The best piece of advice I was given by my mother (when pregnant with my now 4 year old) “dont let others tell you what your child needs, you are the mother you will know best.” Obviously, and sadly there are exceptions to this when a parent is abusive or neglectful. But as a whole, most of us are trying to do our best and we need not war agaisnt one another. We should put that energy into our kids AND into kids in our communities who are neglected.
    Much love to you ladies!! Way to be peacemakers. That is the example our kids need most.

  350. This is great stuff -What an inspiration! I’m sure so many moms out there question themselves, if the way they parent or feel as a mom is ok? I truly felt so prideful as a single mom at one point in my life. I never asked for help simply thinking I had to do it all on my own! Then a mind shift occurred and that is when the word alone became extinct and the word TEAM was all over my vocab! This campaign is simply are reminder I and all moms have a team to collaborate with and not to compete with! Love this, THANKS SO much for sharing and making this happen!

  351. Thank you thank you thank you for this fantastic initiative. I get so sad every time I meet mothers talking behind other mother’s back about making different choices than them. I always try to keep a neutral stand point since my philosophy in life is ‘YOU are the person living YOUR life, and you make the choices that makes you and your family happy. It might not be the same choices as I make, but that doesn’t make them wrong. Just different to mine’.

    Keep up the good work!!

    /Sophie

  352. Lore

    I think it is a great campaign, and we should understand we are all in the same boat.
    Having said that, empowering mothers with information is the best tool. Some of us would have done differently, having had the right information.
    How to share information without making others feeling undermined and judged is the challenge….how to listen and get on the other person’s shoes is difficult…
    I think being a mother is a growing experience…and this campaign is a great prove of it! Thanks!!!

  353. giovanna

    some things are worth fighting for (or against as the case may be).

    I didn’t see a photo with signs that said, “I vaccinated my child.” & “I chose not to vaccinate my child.”

    How do you feel about that, about an action that not only threatens the child in question, but also one’s own child or children, as well as oneself? Vaccinating is not a choice about different approaches to parenting. It is an issue that involves confronting a complex set of facts and information, analyzing it in a critical fashion, and making a decision to protect not just our children, but also others in our community who are susceptible to infectious diseases. It is a decision that I would guess 100% of our mothers made for us. To not protect our own children in this way is to give over to our fears, insecurities, and ignorance.

    Breastfeeding, home schooling, co-sleeping, choice of diapers, choice of strollers, etc etc – knock yourself out. Whatever you think is best for your kid, after all you are the one who ail have to deal with the consequences of these choices. But when you don’t vaccinate, you’re messing with me and mine – you want a war, you’ll surely get one from this Warrior Goddess. Wake up. Fight Ignorance. Vaccinate your kid!

    • Janeen

      Well I don’t agree. ‘Vaccinating or not’ SHOULD be in this list too.
      The nightmare you ‘assume’ is going to happen is just not happening, yet you continue to HATE anyway.
      I’m so TIRED of defending our choice… and I don’t feel like doing it here. but I have good reasons for not, I’m fully prepared to deal with the disease should they happen, and I will definitely keep my kids home when they are sick, though they haven’t been sick with even a cold for YEARS now because we live a very ‘preventative’(IMO) lifestyle.
      I don’t judge people that choose different parenting methods such as these signs, but some of those CHOICES are the very reasons I feel confident in making the choice to not vaccinate… and so I would rather not be judged that I took an alternative path in this department. But sadly this is THE BIGGEST ‘mommy war’ going…and it’s unfortunate that it was not mentioned.

    • I choose to vaccinate. After Flu Thanksgiving, that has been hammered home even more into my psyche. I’m not going to vilify other parents who choose not to, but I have personal reasons for choosing to vaccinate. I will, however, become dogmatic if someone does attack my beliefs about it though. I tend to mention words like “dead eight year olds from flu” and “febrile seizures” because those phrases actually embody my personal reasons to vaccinate. I believe in being not judgmental (outside of actual child-is-going-to-die child abuse), but it infuriates me when people needlessly needle me for my beliefs.

  354. Marisa

    This made me cry!!! What a great campaign and reminder!!

  355. Stephanie Osborne

    I love this! We are all individual and have individual wants/needs/styles. We need to respect that.

    On another note, I have been looking everywhere for bunk beds. I love the set in the large family / only child photo. Where did it come from?!