I’ve always loved to write and am forever finding journal entries and letters that I’ve written in the past.
So it’s no surprise that I wrote an open letter to my firstborn child.
The day before I became a mother in March 2006, I drafted an open letter to my unborn baby. At the age of 30 – well over 200 lbs. and more uncomfortable than I ever imagined possible – I penned a heartfelt note to my baby boy Gavin, whom is now 7-years-old.
Continue reading about my hopes for motherhood and my baby boy-to-be.
March 8, 2006
My Dearest Baby,
I am writing you this letter on the eve of your birth into this world. You let us know that you were in the breech position just last week when I was already 39 weeks pregnant. So, we had to schedule a C-Section for your delivery on March 9th, 2006, 8:35 am at Lions Gate Hospital in North Vancouver, BC.
At first, I was disappointed to have a C-Section as I had hoped for a procedure-free (or close to it) delivery. Now, I’m feeling good about the surgery and insanely excited to meet you tomorrow morning. It’s exciting and strange to know exactly when you’ll be arriving. I’m having a variety of feelings on my last day without a child. Of course, I’ve been responsible for your health since conception in June of 2005, but I will be an official mother tomorrow.
Up until this point, I’ve been a single person, free to live my life as I have wanted. I have travelled the world a bit (Mexico, Europe, Africa, USA, Canada); partied a bit too much at times; worked hard; been through 7 years of University and completed 2 degrees; been through incredible grief over the illness and death of my father; loved and been loved; been to a few good concerts (Bon Jovi – your father would disagree with that one – Sarah McLachlan, Lollapalooza featuring Pearl Jam & Red Hot Chili Peppers, U2 with your father just weeks before your conception which incidentally was my last night of drinking for over a year); made big mistakes and tried my best to learn from them; had many incredibly good times; been heartbroken and have broken a few hearts; lived with regrets; and learned a variety of valuable lessons mainly forgiveness, healing, taking responsibility for my life, and letting go. The list goes on.
Prior to your entrance into our lives, I have lived a full, free, incredible and privileged life. I met your father when I was the tender age of 24. We’ve had an amazing 6 years together. My life changed when I met him and he is, without a doubt, the best thing that has ever happened to me. We’ve had the time of our lives together since we met – but something tells us that your arrival and presence in our lives will bring us more joy and happiness than we’ve ever experienced.
How amazing for you to know that you were conceived in love and that we cannot wait to welcome you into our family. There are so many people anxious to finally meet and welcome you with open arms. I’m sure you already feel this love and warmth and intuitively know how loved you are even before your birth.
My wish for you is to know how much we love and care for you. May you always feel that love. Maybe you’ll be reading this as a teenager when you hate me. Or maybe you’ll be reading this letter after I’ve left this world. Please know that I’ve dreamed of you my whole life and you are entering my life at the perfect time as a 30-year-old, very content, successful, greatly blessed and happy woman.
I’m absolutely thrilled to be your mother and cannot wait to spend my days with you, getting to know you in all of your gloriousness and wonder. My wish for you is to have good health, both mental and physical. I hope you follow your passions in life and not allow anyone or anything to crush your spirit. May you always have faith in yourself and know that you are a very powerful creator. Persevere and don’t allow anyone make you believe you ‘can’t’ do something. Once you set your mind to something, not even the greatest forces in the world could stop you.
May you not allow others to define you. There is nobody like you and your unique talents and skills are a gift to this world. Nobody can take away your dreams – may you dream your highest dreams and attain them. I hope you live a life of intention and integrity. When others attempt to crush your spirit, may you have the wisdom to rise above them, be the bigger person, and respectfully go your own way and take the higher road.
May you take responsibility for your actions and your feelings. And have fun! I’ve had so much fun in my life and I wish this same joy and happiness to be alive in your life. Make good friends, party with them, dance like nobody’s watching, love like you’ve never been hurt and follow your inner guide.
My dear child, know that whenever you read this, be it in your childhood, your awkward teen years, young or old adulthood, my feelings for you could never change. My love for you will be the same and will live on forever, regardless of any ‘bad’ choices you may make, and regardless of death. Please know that whatever happens to us in our lives, you are never alone.
My heart will always live in yours as yours will live in mine. We have been connected as one for the past 9 months and we will continue to be connected in many forms forever more.
I know that I still feel my father’s presence and love for me, and I always will. I will always love you and believe in you.
Your father and I wish you a life of great joy and success on your own terms. We hope to be the best parents to you. I’m sure we’ll make many mistakes with you, but please know that our intentions are to be the best parents possible and to give you the best life possible. We cannot wait for your arrival and for this incredible journey to begin.
I have written my wishes for you to follow your dreams. Know that you are my greatest dream and my greatest blessing.
I have dreamed of being a mother my entire life and know that our official meeting tomorrow will be one of the greatest moments of my life. I hope we make many beautiful memories together, my dear baby.
With all my love and respect, your mother, Jenny
Reading this letter seven years later – as a mother-of-three – I am reminded of the nerves and excitement I felt at this point in my life.
In the year that followed I was “the best” new mom on the block. I read all the books, went to all the classes and followed all the BabyCenter tips to a T. Now that I have three, I’m far from “the best” and sometimes feel like I’m barely holding it together by the hair of my chinny chin chin (of which there seem to be many these days).
Yet looking back at this letter, I still feel the same way in terms of my hopes and dreams for Gavin to live a passion-filled and fulfilled life.
But – no offence to my husband – the one thing that I disagree with the above is when I said marrying him was the best thing I ever did. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, Gavin, and my two other children, are the best decisions I ever made. Regardless of any future accomplishments in my life, my children will be my highest achievements and greatest joys.
Can you relate to the above letter? How did you feel before motherhood?